Effect of Disagreement on Marriage
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|Mon, 06-30-2003 - 11:13am|
My goal is to learn to respect his wishes and be able to be patient until he is on board, not to get him to "come around". We had a "baby talk" this weekend, which lead to hurt feelings in both of us.
He feels scared and nervous, and obviously apprehensive and backed into a corner. I feel like I can't understand why he wouldn't want this? What's the hold up? For the rest of the weekend, looking at my husband only brought forth anger and resentment on my part, for something that he cannot help.
This anger isn't the type of environment that will make him feel comfortable in making a decision to go forward. And the cycle continues . . . We're both stuck and I don't feel anyone is to blame. I stumbled across an article on MSN that was about "nagging", which is a little OT, but it has some good insight as to how men and women communicate. Here are some excerpts -
"It goes from a reminder to a nag when the person who is being reminded gets offended," says Weiner-Davis. "How the behavior gets labeled depends on how the person hears it, not on how the person who says it feels."
"Because many women find it difficult to directly communicate their needs, they fall into the fatal trap of whining and nagging about what they aren't getting rather than directly stating what they want, need, or expect from their partner. Unfortunately, whining and nagging doesn't put a man into a giving mood, and a vicious cycle is born: The more her man starves her of what she wants, the more she nags and the less likely he is to be responsive to her wishes."
“Too often, when couples talk to each other about heated issues, they are too busy defending themselves to hear on a deep level what their spouses are saying and feeling. If they can learn the tools for fair fighting, then both spouses can be heard, and nagging isn't necessary."
"When the urge to nag strikes, Weiner-Davis suggests focusing on the positive experiences you've had in the past with your partner, when something other than nagging elicited the response you were looking for."
"Bottom line: Good relationships are based on mutual care taking," says Weiner-Davis. "You really have to look out for your spouse. You have to put your spouse's needs before your own -- and that might mean doing something you're not really crazy about doing. And when you have to nag, that's a sign mutual care-taking is not happening."
Sorry so long, just trying to decipher this Men are from Mars/ Women are from Venus thing we have going on...
Thanks for listening,