everyone says I'm too young..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
everyone says I'm too young..
29
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 5:09pm

Hi Everyone!

I'm 21 and getting married next month. Some of my close friends tell me I am an old lady trapped in a girls body but mostly everyone just tells me that I am "too young"... (I have to say it gets a little old after a while).

I know there are more of you out there around my age going through the same thing so I was hoping to find some of you and maybe we could support eachother and help one another out!

WTT is killing me and I feel a little awkward when I read all these post for women in their late 20's and early 30's...

PLEASE reply!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 6:56pm
I know exactly how you feel. I also got married at 21, almost 22, and we'll be married 4 years this October (so I'm 25 now.) I've had baby fever since before the wedding, but I'm still waiting for DH and life to catch up.

I honestly did not realize how long I would be getting the "You're MARRIED?!" stuff. I knew 21 was a little young, but my we met early in college and waited until we graduated - same thing my parents did. Seemed perfectly reasonable. Yet at 25, I'm still getting surprised comments (which I perceive as negative, my mom says I'm too sensitive) when people find out I'm married. It's less frequent, but still happening. It really depends on the social circles, too.

So I don't know when we're going to TTC - hopefully next year, but I'm not pushing the issue right now, even though I'm hoping it will be in the next year or so and not 5 years.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 10:30pm

It seems like the reactions I get go from one end of the spectrum to the other with not much, if anything, inbetween. But I've always been mature and different so I am used to these types of reactions, lol.

I know having a baby changes everything and I have to say I would miss sleep! But honestly, I wouldn't mind TTC shortly after our wedding...we would still have 9 months to enjoy life, lol. but I'm pretty sure STBH won't see that the same way. I understand his wanting to wait but at the same time I don't. We both have good jobs that aren't going anywhere (even in this economy), we have a house, and money's a little tight - but honestly when isn't it?!

I don't know your religious views, so please don't take any offense...but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that it all rests in God's hands. So i am thinking of proposing the idea to STBH that once we are married I could stop BC and we wouldn't necessairly be TTC but we wouldn't be trying to prevent it either - you know, just kind of leaving things in God's hands...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:10am
I would never take offense at someone else's faith! :) But I do think you need him to be ready as well. You want him to be the best dad he can, and he might not be mentally and emotionally ready to do that yet. My DH isn't, and that's why we're waiting. In the end, your child will be much better adjusted if both parents are equally sure they want this change.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 10:36am

Kuriboshoe gave some great advice! Right here with ya. I got married at 21, and I'm going to start TTC this month, and I'll be 23 this month. What you have to learn is just to ignore what anybody says. I've had the same thing, people telling me that I'm too young, wait until you're married at least 5 years to have a baby, etc, etc...........but nobody knows what is right for you and your husband than......surprise to some people, you & your husband! haha. But anyways, if it is in your heart to have a baby (and your husband is ready to be a father whole-heartedly), don't listen to others, have a baby. I am!! lol. I also am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, God will do what is best for us and what is meant to be, will be. Good luck and keep us posted. =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 3:45pm
Okay, I must say that being mature is a great thing! I too kept getting comments on how mature I was when I was your age. My mom would tease me, saying I was an old lady in a young body!

Regarding the religious issue: I too have been thinking of letting the WTT control go lately and not use BC again, just because I am so tired of waiting and controlling everything. I've never been religious but I'm spiritual and believe in God. However, I don't think my husband would ever agree to this idea as he only wants two kids, lol. So I agree with Becki, unless you both decide to not try not prevent (NTNP).

I got married at 24 and DH is twelve years older. We would have had kids by now if my health hadn't been such an issue for the past few years.

Becki: I think a lot of people like to comment on other people's personal lives even though it is none of their business! Marriage at 21 was common not so long ago. We don't have to follow today's society rules if they don't apply to us!

Photobucket
Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 10:15pm
I have the opposite issue. We got married at 26 almost 27. We wanted to finosh college first. We waited 7 yrs before havibg our son due mostly to finances. So people started adking after I hit 30 if we were going to have kids. I had my son at 34. I will be 36 in sept and ttc #2 in jan. People say you are too old and you should have had him younger. But I dont feel old and glad I waited. So to each his own. I know at your age I was not ready for kids nor marriage but that is me. I was enjoying life in college, going out with friends, ect. but glad I got my degree.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 10:32pm
Yeah, good point. We all should just keep in mind, whatever you do regarding kids, people will question and comment! People are just nosy and involve themselves. And marriage and kids are something many people have in common, so it's a common thread people like to discuss. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes off in a judging way instead of just relating to one other.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2007
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 8:27pm

I think there are just people out there who like to comment on other's choices no matter what they are.

~Em~

Mommy to Nate and expecting a little girl Nov. 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 4:24pm
I wouldn't say that 21 is too young to TTC but I was 21 when I got pregnant with my daughter and 22 when I gave birth.

That being said, I had also been married a few years and had some time with my husband before we had a baby. The first year of marriage can be difficult and I truly can't imagine adding pregnancy hormones and then a newborn to the mix. Its so hard to wait, I know, I had super baby fever a few months after I got married. But i'm very happy we waited and had a few years to ourselves before we started our family.

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

 

Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 4:51pm

EM- I wanted to reply to you not to hijack this thread but it seems like we have a lot in common. I got pregnant with my son at 33 and had him at 34.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

Pages