everyone says I'm too young..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
everyone says I'm too young..
29
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 5:09pm

Hi Everyone!

I'm 21 and getting married next month. Some of my close friends tell me I am an old lady trapped in a girls body but mostly everyone just tells me that I am "too young"... (I have to say it gets a little old after a while).

I know there are more of you out there around my age going through the same thing so I was hoping to find some of you and maybe we could support eachother and help one another out!

WTT is killing me and I feel a little awkward when I read all these post for women in their late 20's and early 30's...

PLEASE reply!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 11:28am

Did you have HBP before/during pregnancy? Were you on meds...if you were were you able to nurse?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 8:00am

yes, I was diagnosed in April 2008. I was on procardia and methyldopa during my pregnancy.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 11:32am
Congratulations!!

Good luck with your OB/Gyn appointment! Let us know how it goes!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2011
Fri, 09-23-2011 - 6:39pm

Hey,

I am going through the same thing! I got married May 2010, when I was 21, now I am 22. I am in my 5th year of architecture school, but I have one more year after this year (6 years total.) Waiting to get pregnant has been very hard for me. I have wanted to have children since I was a child and my "clock" has been ticking since before I was married. Most of my friends are older, none of them have children, and only one of them is pregnant, but church is where it really hits home for me. I see all of the little ones running around, babies crying, and moms just - being moms. I read all of the TTC blogs and if you asked me, I could tell you all of the ways to prepare for getting pregnant and all of the things that you can go though during pregnancy. Unfortunately, none of that knowledge helps me in my degree, but you get the point ;-).

My husband and I had a H2H the other night, and the two criteria for us being able to start a family is me finishing my degree, and my husband having a stable job that pays the bills. Fortunately, unless I get pregnant before my degree is finished, that won't be an issue, and I believe that hubby will find a good job once we are able to move. He's stuck here with me until I finish school, but he has more jobs than he can handle right now, so not finding a job is the least of our worries.

The way that you wrote about your hubby likely not wanting to start a family right away is typical. My hubby doesn't feel prepared either. I think that logically, God made women to desire to nuture children and men to desire sexual intimacy so that between the two, babies are bound to happen. The thing that my hubby explained to me is that men just simply don't think the way we do. I got the silly idea that he never thinks about having kids since he never talks about it or gets excited like I do. He reassured me that he does want to have kids, but for him, he'll get excited when he realizes he's going to be a daddy, it makes it personal and that makes it something that he will look forward to.

Something that I found useful to help me cope with the waiting is learning how to be a more selfless wife. As I experienced, and you may be too, marriage is challenging. Especially as a newlywed. Every day you have to die to your own selfish desires to love your husband. It's a humbling experience, no doubt, and when I think of doing this not only for my husband, but in preparation for my children, it gives me a challenge that drives me everyday. The more I focus on being selfless towards my husband, the more prepared I will be to love our future children. Sometimes I have these moments where I just realize how selfish I can really be, and I am actually thankful that I have a few years to work on myself. By the way, when I say selfish, I don't mean having a temper-tantrum, I just mean simply being proactive in starting dinner, even though it was his night to cook, or gracefully letting him take a raincheck on our date-night because his best friend's grandmother passed away and his friend needs somebody to talk to.

Another thing you mentioned is the notion of leaving the decision up to God. First, since you mentioned that you are a believer, then you might also appreciate what a friend told me, and that is that BCP is an abortificient, meaning it can kill a baby after it has started to grow. To me, knowing this was enough to stop BCP. I used it for several years leading up to our marriage before I knew about that. I know a couple who didn't know that either and had miscarried because the baby literally didn't have enough uterine lining to survive the few weeks until the mother found out she was pregnant and could stop taking the pill. That said, I would encourage you to get off the BCP if this bothers you and finding another method until you are ready to TTC. We use condoms now and I realized that I actually prefer them. I originally took BCP for irregularity and cramps, but I found that taking Wild Yam Root supplement does wonders. Second, God respects your choices. I want a baby, but we know we need a little time to grow in our marriage before I can be the wonderful mother I dream of being. God respects our decision, but He will intervene if He feels He needs to. Getting off of the BCP pretty much gurantees that you become pregnant, regardless of whether or not God may think you are ready. I thought that thought a thousand times before coming to this conclusion. If that is what you two believe is right for you, then God may provide it for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he has to agree with your decision. Of course, He will not be upset with you, He will love you the same and help you through it, but perhaps you may have missed a wonderful opportunity to discover your new husband before you become a family with new challenges and commitments and time constraints. Ultimately, only God knows you and your husband and He knows what is best for you two. I am only here to share my own experience. Despite my desire to start a family, I try my best to focus on what God desires for me and where He wants me to be. Pray about it. Let me know how it goes.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 11:32am
WOW Kost89!

Thanks so much...your reply gave me a lot to think about - in a good way! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2011
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 12:17pm

I'm glad to hear it. I hope you and your hubby are able to come to peace with where you are and that the period of waiting (and then trying) may strengthen your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 09-26-2011 - 11:33am
That is wonderful advice, thank you!

I believe that a strong marriage is important to have before having kids. Spouses being devoted to each other is so essential!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 3:59pm
Firstly, congratulations on getting married! Secondly, when/whether to have children is a personal decision between you and your husband. No one else's opinion matters.

If you and your husband both want kids right away and you have the resources to provide for them, then go for it.
Expecting baby #1 August 8th 2012! It's a girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 9:29am

You have NO idea how happy I am that I found this post.

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