Feeling like it's never going to happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Feeling like it's never going to happen.
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 8:03pm

Hi everyone. I used to post on this board a year or so ago for a few months but have been MIA since.

Our daughter turned 4 in September and I am starting to feel like we're never going to have another child. DD was a honeymoon baby (born in Sept, we were married in Nov) and we were so not ready for her... but we prepared ourselves and I believe we've done a darn good job raising her so far. Still, it was incredibly stressful and took a toll on our marriage... especially because she's always been a high-needs child.

DH took the news of our pregnancy harder than I did, and last time I was very angry/upset because he seemed disinterested (due to the obvious stress). The choice of when to TTC is completely in his hands this time--because I don't want him to be like that again. Make sense? And he's still not ready.

And now he's taken a new job with the idea of keeping it for 1 year and then re-evaluating (if he wants to stay there or do something else) and so now TTC is DEFINITELY out for another year.

Sometimes he talks about "IF" we have another... not "WHEN" we have another. And when we have a particularly rough night/weekend with DD he's quick to comment, "And you want another?" He loves DD, and I think he loves the "groove" we're in now. I admit, I do, too. But I KNOW I want another at some point. He seems not so sure now. That upsets me, since we always said we wanted more than one child prior to getting married.

So I feel like I have no choice but to wait and hope and pray he comes on board soon. I'm not old, so I know I have time (I'll be 29 soon), and DH is 35... and financially we CAN do it (as we did it with DD with much, much less).

Sorry I'm rambling... I just hate how sometimes it hurts me so much that there isn't another child in our lives yet... and leaves me wondering if there ever will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 9:40pm


I know that feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 1:32pm

Hi Anne,

I'm really sorry that you're having a difficult time. In some ways I can understand where you're coming from in wanting to leave the decision to DH, to ensure that he is as happy about your next pregnancy as you will be. But from what you shared of your story, I would suggest that maybe it's time to have some heart-to-heart discussions on what your plan is together as a couple and a family. I bet you will both feel better if you have a shared plan - you won't feel like it's never going to happen and he won't feel pressured. Just my 2 cents:).

Your little girl is beautiful, by the way:).

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/WEETm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" />

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2008
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 5:57am

Hi Anne!
I am sorry to hear that your DH is not getting on board with TTC #2 as quickly as you would like. I am sure he will get on board though, and until that happens I hope you have fun posting here. You two still have plenty of time and maybe he will feel comfortable starting to TTC before he hits his one year evaluation date. I mean it takes 9 months for the baby to actually come and that is if you get lucky on the first try.

I'm Ashley and my fiancé and I are waiting until Dec of 09 at the earliest or June 2010 at the latest. A lot depends on how quickly I find a good full time job after finishing school.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 7:15pm


My daughter turn 4 in September too.