Having a hard time

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Having a hard time
9
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 1:20pm

After talking over the weekend, it seems like the other plans we've made for our lives make it really logistically impossible to have another baby in the next few years. So after writing and re-writing this post, rambling to myself and deleting it, it looks like I've come to a conclusion. It wouldn't be a good time until we move out of this house and out of this high cost of living area, the twins are in full day public school, and I've been able to work for a few years.

I am incredibly sad about this. I had my hopes up that we could TTC this summer and all the kids would be close in age. It almost makes me sick to think about having to wait so long. We'll be in our 30's and solidly out of "the baby world" of diapers and naps. I don't even know if we will want another child at that point.

I'm still holding onto that glimmer that we can make it work out to try this summer as we have been planning for over a month, but it looks really grim right now :(


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
In reply to: kbevie
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:40pm
(((Kate))) I'm so sorry to hear this! But perhaps these decisions are the best for your family and will increase your quality of life. I hear you about the high cost of living, we live in one and we don't like it!!! I hope you'll still stick around the board, but we'll understand if you don't. Hugs and I hope everything turns out the best for you and your family!!


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*Thank you Katie (hubbswifey) for my siggie!*
















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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
In reply to: kbevie
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:22pm

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm in a similar situation myself and is so hard to deal with. But it sounds like you've thought hard about it and come to the best decision for your family right now. I would just add, however, that none of us knows what is around the corner. Things change and you may very well be able to figure out a way to make it work and TTC earlier than you think.

(((Hugs)))

 


Avatar for thesunshinekid
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2001
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:33am

I know that stinks.

Jules - Happily married and Momma to DS, DD and expecting our Caboose Baby 11/24/2012


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 1:08pm

Thank you, Victoria, Claire, and Jules. I wrote a raw, honest letter to my husband yesterday and laid out our time-line for our family goals. I explained how this time-line made me think we wouldn't have the money or right situation for another baby for another few years and how sad that made me.

We went out to dinner last night by ourselves (planned for a while for another reason). We talked a lot about this. We came up with different ways we could make things work based on when/if we can get jobs or switch jobs, when/if we can sell the house, and when/if we can get pregnant again.

Ultimately, we decided that we should still try this summer. We need to be open to the possibility that another child may not be in the cards for us but that we can try for about 2-3 years and then call it quits and possibly adopt a 2 or 3 year old child (so the ages are where we intended in the first place). I really like this idea.

Basically, he convinced me that no matter what happens with jobs, houses, or pregnancies, we will make it work out together. I love him even more for this. <3


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 3:51pm

Kate, that is so sweet! Sounds like you have a keeper for a DH :) It's so nice to feel like you are in it together, that's what I love about being married the most probably. I bet you are very pleased to think that this is how only you feel and find out that you have someone who cares about how you feel, wants the same thing, and is willing to work hard to get it!


Btw... we live 45 minutes away from the city to have a lower cost of living, smaller more safe neighborhood, and a number of other reasons. We were able to live in a house twice the size of the last one with room to grow in a family friendly neighborhood. My DH drives the 45min- 1 hour drive to work and home everyday and thinks it is unbelieveably worth it. We both now can't imagine living anywhere else in Dallas. It might be worth is to try out somewhere farther away that will save you money and help with your financial situation!


Meagan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 5:02pm

It is the sweetest thing :) I can't help feel overwhelming love for him today!

Thanks for the tip. We currently live in the Washington DC metro area so technically we live in the suburbs and it already takes him a full hour or more to commute each way. It is possible to go even farther out but then he would be commuting for over 3 hours a day and would never see us! I would rather move completely to another part of the country before I raise these kids without him ;)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 6:33pm
Kate, big HUGS! I am so happy you had this wonderful conversation with your hubby and he is on the same page after such a sad post! I am really happy for you. That's a wonderful thing. It may not be perfect timing but if you are both on board you will find a way to make it work!


Proud CL of Waiting to Try - Thanks for my sig Katie!
My Weight Ticker






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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
In reply to: kbevie
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:07pm
Kate, that is great news! I am thrilled for you and I know everything will work out because both your hearts are into this! :)


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*Thank you Katie (hubbswifey) for my siggie!*
















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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
In reply to: kbevie
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 3:05pm
I'm so glad you were able to talk things out and come up with a plan. How wonderful!