Hoping to find somewhere I belong

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
Hoping to find somewhere I belong
9
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 11:47pm

Alright, my story is long and thanks to anyone who makes it through it. Right now I am really struggling to find a board that can support me. I am hoping to "belong" somewhere again. Here's my intro: Back in June 2008 me and DH started ttc. I got pregnant on my 2nd cycle only to start bleeding 3 days later and loose that pregnancy. The doctor's said it was a chemical pregnancy. So I joined the ttc after miscarriage board and found a lot of support there. We continued ttc for quite a few months. In that time I spent time on the TTC board and TTC with clomid board. I finally became pregnant this past April. I was due December 23, 2009 so I joined the Dec 09 EC. There I blissfully stayed until my 16 week appointment. At this appointment my doctor could not find a heartbeat using the doppler. She immediately sent me over to the hospital for an u/s. Me and DH waited anxiously to see the tech. When it was finally our turn we go in and as soon as they put the transducer to my tummy the tech said "Were you expecting one heartbeat or two?" I was using clomid to conceive but never imagined I'd get pregnant with twins. I layed there just smiling from ear to ear imagining what our life would be like with twins, a 6 year old, and a 5 year old. To make a long story short, the tech leaves the room and comes back with the doctor on call. She then says to us "I'm so sorry Jessica, the babies appear to be conjoined at the chest and sharing one heart" I almost fell off of the exam table and onto the floor. The tears just wouldn't stop. I had enough in me to ask to speak with someone more informed about this diagnosis and she made us an appointment for a week away with a perinatologist and high risk ob. The wait was painful to say the least. I was so worried about our babies. Finally the appointment came and after 5 1/2 hours worth of ultrasounds and an eachocardiogram it was determined that our twin GIRLS were indeed conjoined at the chest. The shared a liver and a heart. Their heart was severely deformed. They only had a 3 chamber heart. One of the atrium had a hole in it and the ventricles were crossed making it impossible to seperate them and impossible for their heart to provide the twins with enough blood. After lots of discussions with all of the doctors in the practice, our girls were only given a 5% chance at making it to labor and delivery alive. And we were told that the problems with their heart made their bodies incompatible with life outside of the womb. We were given the choice to attemp to carry to term or to terminate. If I was to carry to term the doctors said that I was taking a big risk with my own life being as conjoined twins are the most highest risk pregnancy. I would most likely have many complications some that could result in having to have

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 6:11am

Hi Jessica and welcome to the board!


I am so sorry about your losses.





Sigs made by hubbswifey, mom2jess_n_ky, and csmith17663

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 7:08am

Jessica,
I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds like a horrible nightmare. I'm so sorry for your losses, and I can't imagine how you must have felt through all this.

You're welcome here, of course, and I hope the next couple of months pass quickly for you.




Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 10:35am
hey Jessica! Welcome to the WTT board! Glad you found us. This is a great place to pass the time while waiting. Sounds like you have been through a lot lately! *hugs* I wish I new why the TTC process has to be so difficult some times. We have 3 angels in heaven our selfs. I had a loss before my first child and before my second child (twins that time) You will find a lot of great ladies here and I hope your time flys by hon. Take care and KUP on how things are going. :)
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Lilypie
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Daisypath


Daisypath



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2009
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 2:40pm

Jessica,


I am so sorry for you and your DH's loss. Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am to hear that you or anyone would have to go through something like this. From reading your words I know you are really hoping for a place on ivillage you can truly say you belong. I have to say it isn't the title of the board, but the people in the board that make it so special. We are a group of really supportive women. This board takes you through a whole journey from wondering if you belong here, to WTT, to TTC, to people who are having difficulities in conceiving to the sharing the joy that you are finally pg with the women that have been there from the beginning. I say stop searching because you have found the place that you could get support and comfort. You have been through a lot and I am sure that those decisions you had to make were very very difficult and one should never have to make them. Give yourself time to heal and I am sure that soon you will be in the thread below with us that are already pg sharing your m/s stories and what you did that weekend. There have been losses on this board and we try our very best to support each and every person on here whether it is good news or bad news. GL and welcome with open arms to the best board IMO. I joined my EC but this board has people that have talked to me before I was even TTC so it feels like home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 3:25pm

Hi Jessica! Welcome to the board!

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. *hugs* You will find all the support you need here. I am praying that your next pregnancy will be a healthy one!

























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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2009
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 10:27am

Welcome!

Amy-1
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 12:53pm

There are all kinds of reasons that people wait, so certainly you can call this your home. I am WTT one cycle after a m/c, myself. I think this is a wonderful board and when you start TTCing again, there are TTCing threads in the grad section as well.

I am so sorry that you had to endure something so painful. The fact that you are even able to talk about it so openly is so admirable. I am hoping when you start TTCing again, you will get PG quickly and have the most boringly uncomplicated pregnancy ever.

Welcome to the board!


Underwater Siggy




DaisypathAnniversary Years Ticker


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2001
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 8:20am

Hello and welcome to the board!!! Im Melissa.


Im so sorry to hear about your losses :(

mel-1.jpg picture by Casey28zs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 10:19am

Hey there ladies! Thank you all for the sweet and heartfelt responses. I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond back. I have been reading the posts everyday but didn't have my thoughts put together well enough to respond. I am so sorry to any of you that have had to endure the pain of any loss. It's unfair to say the least!


I'm getting very eager to start ttc again. The doctors advised I wait two cycles. That seems like an eternity to me, which I'm sure you all understand. I ovulated two days ago and should be seeing my first AF post D&E in about 11 days or so. I'm excited to be past that first milestone but I know it will be hard to be bleeding again. I'm sure it will be a constant reminder that that pregnancy is truly over.


Thank you for being so welcoming. I look forward to getting to know your stories. I lurk everyday so even if I'm not posting I'm still around. Thanks again for all your support!!


Jessica

href="http://s339.photobucket.com/albums/n461/jessicahuffman143/?action=view&current=IMG_4382.jpg" target=_blank A ; Photobucket <>http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/224ba4


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