How Often Do You and DH Talk about TTC?

Avatar for brenmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
How Often Do You and DH Talk about TTC?
6
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 6:05pm
All -

After my last meltdown, which was only 1 1/2 weeks ago(and I think the same day I posted here for the first time), I said I'd just have to be patient and give DH some room to "want this" on his own. I'd bite my tongue, wait, and let him bring it up.

It hasn't even been two weeks since our last conversation, and it's driving me crazy, especially since the news of our close friend's pg. But, I don't want to talk about it ALL THE TIME. :-(

Some days it's easier to wait than others. Today is not one of those days. :-(

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Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 9:40pm
I went through this with DH. I decided that I would give him 6 months and I would not bring it up specifically. Finally he flat out asked me what I wanted and I told him. Needless to say it did take about 6 months. We did have some very casual conversation in between, but nothing sit down serious.

A few weeks ago while I was on my way home from school he called me and asked me if I wanted another baby and when I wanted to start trying. I almost had to pull over to avoid an accident.

I don't know how much time you've given him, but set youself a mental deadline to have another talk. If you do have some casual conversation, make them very non-emotional.

This is just what worked for me... Hope this helps in some small way.

Sam

TTC date May 04

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Registered: 05-21-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 10:16am
Actually my DH brought it up last night. He told me that he saw one of his fellow teammates on his rugby team and his teammate asked if we were trying to have a family yet because my DH had told some of his teammates that we would be trying soon. My DH told him next month we will start trying. His teammate said well then your sex life will be increasing (typical guy response). It makes me so happy when my DH seems genuinely excited to start TTC. I try not to bring it up too much and seem like that is all I'm thinking about. Hopefully next month at this time we will be TTC. I can't believe I'm saying that, it is so exciting.

Amy WTT 08/03

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Registered: 06-28-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 12:14pm
I am sorry you feel crabby.

Give it some time. It's easy to say this since it seems that all you have given him is time, time and more time. DH will eventually come around. Somehow, I don't think that my DH really "want this", like you said. But he is open to the idea. He knows that I want a child/children and he will compromise for me because he loves me enough.

Don't keep talking to him about it. It doesn't help. It will scare him away more. What I do is I will drop subtle hints and talk about "teaching our kids this, doing this with our kids, etc" I have heard him say this a couple of times as well.

I don't think that my DH will ever bring it up. When the time comes to get off the pill, I will tell him. When the time comes to TTC, I'll let him know.

Pardon me if I may ask... how old are you? Are you afraid you are getting up in years and not being able to get pregnant?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:43pm
We talk about it daily. Sometimes I bring it up, other times he does. The other day he came home from work with a list of names he liked. Also, I bought a couple baby/pregnancy books specifically for guys and he reads from them daily and then comes back to tell me things that will be happening during a specific month. I think he wants this as much as I do. The only reason we are waiting is because there are a couple of little things we need to do before we try.

Melinda wtt 8/03

 

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Avatar for ntaylor908
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 10:41pm
DH doesn't like to talk about it alot, and he's never the one to bring it up. I'll ask him vague "feely" questions about it..."What have you been thinking lately about having a baby?", "Are you excited about getting pregnant?", stuff like that. He just kinda looks at me, and one time he said, "To be honest, I don't ever think about it until you bring it up." He's totally willing to do this, and not just because I want to, but for some reason it's not as big of a deal to him as it is to me. Maybe it's because we're not ACTUALLY trying now. Maybe when I go off the pill it will be more of a big deal.

I wish my DH were as excited as your Melinda! I think he thinks I'm kinda crazy for getting online and talking about it with people, but I told him if I can't tell my friends in real life, who else can I talk to? I really LOVE having this support group online! :-)

Nicki, TTC #1 Aug 2003

Nicki
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 6:47pm
My DH is the same way. He doesn't like to talk about it. I think it might be men in general talking about kids. It makes them scared...

Just today..we were gardening and we saw kids and he said "don't want them".. but he'll have them because I want them. So, I am always afraid that this is not a good thing.

Then, I turned and looked at him right away and said "Can we have kids?" and he said "Sure". Men are so confusing....

My DH Doesn't even know I go online and talk to people I don't know about this stuff. But I am very grateful for this support group. It gives me comfort to know that there are so many people out there just like me!

Hope my DH is excited. He'll probably be the day the child gets born. Until then, I am on my own!