I hate waiting!

Avatar for jacq6223
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
I hate waiting!
5
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:36pm
My DH is a very confusing person. One minute he's talking about what kind of baby stroller he wants to buy and the next he's telling me we have to wait four and a half years to TTC. It's really driving me nuts. I've had baby fever for over a year and I'm really feeling ready for a baby in every way that doesn't include the pocketbook. I'm graduating college in 3 weeks and I'm supposed to be job hunting but I'm having a really hard time getting motivated because I really don't want to work. All I want to do is have kids and be a SAHM, but that isn't in the cards at the moment. I guess I'm just frustrated that what I want isn't within reach and I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards DH because I have to support him through 4 years of grad school while I wait for what I want. DH is supportive of anything I want to do except for this. He has no qualms with me doing whatever it is I want to do in life, but doesn't want to have kids right now. He keeps encouraging me to go to grad school but I have no desire whatsoever for a career so what on earth would grad school do for me other than rack up more debt? I'm also pretty burnt out on school and I'm ready to be done with it. The thought of working 40 hours a week is really kind of depressing, especially because I know that I'll be unhappy the whole time. The only saving grace of the situation is that I'm helping DH get the career he wants, which is important to me. I want to support him in his career. I feel like I'm a horrible person because I'm balking at supporting us for 4 years and DH will be very willing to support us after he graduates so I can be a SAHM as long as I want. It makes me feel ungrateful. I guess I'm just venting and wishing there was a way for me to be happy with waiting for so long. I have nothing to look forward to in the next 4 years except getting him graduated. Sorry this is long, just needed to vent somewhere!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jacq6223
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:56pm
Sending you great big hugs! I wish I knew what to say, especially since I, too, have dealt for a long time with a reluctant DH. Sit your DH down and discuss why he wants to wait for so long and then calmy explain why you don't. When I did this, we came up with a specific time to discuss WTT/TTC and I had him explain to me first why he wanted to wait and why he didn't seem very enthusiastic. Before our discussion, I made a list of reasons why I felt I couldn't wait and then after his explanation of why he wanted to wait, I read off my list to him like I was ordering a pizza--little emotion, straightforward and specific. He really responded best to this and it is something you might try as well. You may be surprised to learn what is going on in his mind (I know I was with my DH! It was all about fear of the unknown.)

In the meantime, hang in there as best you can. We're here to support you and listen to your venting any time you need it.

Avatar for jlynna12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: jacq6223
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:13pm
(Hugs!) Sounds Very frustrating! And I don't have a lot of advice, just know that here is a great place to vent. I do like the suggestion of talking it out, with a list of your reasons and his. DO keep in mind that supporting him through grad school can pay off tremendously. My MIL did this for my FIL with 2 kids, and when he was done, she was able to quit, and hasn't worked since! She volunteers and does all sorts of cool stuff, but hasn't worked in forever! So, even though it doesn't sound ideal right now, it could have it's benefits.....whether you have kids this year, in 2 or in 4.....(hug)

 

           
Jlynn, Momma to Asher and Ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: jacq6223
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 10:24pm
(((Hugs))) Vent away, that's what we're here for! I hope if nothing else, time passes quickly! Hey, you could start TTC in 3yrs, 4 months...that puts you w/ an EDD at 4yrs and one month if you get pregnant the first month! That seems shorter doesn't it? Hey...we'll figure something out!

Sarah

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Avatar for jacq6223
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: jacq6223
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:29am
Thank you so much for your replies :) It feels good to get my feelings out every once in awhile. You all have some good suggestions. I made DH a powerpoint presentation about a month or two ago on why we should start trying to have a baby in a year. I made quite a few good points if I do say so myself! I listed the reasons why we should wait and reasons why we shouldn't. I emphasized how much longer the Pro list was :) He just laughed a bit, but I think it may have had some effect. I guess he's confusing because he mentions occasionally that he hasn't exactly said no, but usually he's firm in his desire to wait another 4 years. He's a good husband, I'm really happy with our marriage and I know he'll be a wonderful father someday. I'm just having a hard time waiting for that day to come!
Avatar for queenie620
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: jacq6223
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 10:19pm
I TOTALLY understand your frustration. My DH and I have both been going to college AND working full time since we've been married, and we're finishing up our bachelors degrees. I can BARELY wait until I'm done with school before we start TTC. My expected graduation is March 2004, and I want to start TTC in December 2003. DH is STILL apprehensive about it. His parents keep telling me that I need to go to grad school, so I almost feel like they don't even want us to have kids. I don't want to go to grad school at this point in my life because all I want to do is have kids and be a SAHM too! And how will I EVER be able to do that if we're paying of tens of thousands in dollars in debt for my schooling? Apparently MIL and FIL don't see it that way.

I don't have much advice. I just wanted to let you know that I really empathize with you. I couldn't bare to wait four more years after I'm done with my undergraduate degree. I'm almost 25, DH is 26, and I think December will be time. I'm still kind of working on getting DH convinced about that, but he's coming around. Just try to be patient with your DH. When he graduates it will be well worth the wait because you will be able to be a SAHM, and truly enjoy being a mother. Good luck.

queenie, WTT #1 December 2003