Introduction - Waiting on DH

Avatar for brenmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Introduction - Waiting on DH
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 1:17pm
Hi all - I've read your posts and you are incredible, funny, strong women and I'd love to join your WTT group! I have the same story as many of you - I'm so ready to TTC, and DH is "not ready" yet.

I have a 7 y/o from a previous marriage. DH and I have been together since 1/01 and got married 8/02, and have lived in our house since 11/02. DH actually set a date for July/Aug to TTC, but then renegged, saying he isn't ready and it isn't fair for me to "push the issue". :-( He is a wonderful man and I'm so in love with him. I agree with him that he shouldn't do it just because I want this. In a perfect world, I would be the kind of person who could be patient and supportive of my husband and his decisions and believe that we will TTC when the time is right for BOTH of us. I so wish I could do that. I can't understand his hesitation (and neither does he) and he can't possibly understand the desire for me to carry a child and raise a child. I also don't want to be so focused on this ONE thing, that I don't fully appreciate my relationship with my beautiful son and my husband.

I was ok for about a month, still holding out hope that we would TTC this year sometime (it's a different story every week). Then I went to a baby shower, put my hand on my friend's belly and felt the baby move. It made me want it SO bad. I cried the rest of the night. I feel like I should support his decision, but I'm so mad at him for wanting to wait.

I visit web sites that have pictures of pregnant bellies, maternity clothes, etc... I am Dawn and I am a pregnancy addict. I don't think I can put this out of my mind for the duration of the wait, I just want it too badly, and I shouldn't feel bad for wanting it. But, hopefully, talking with those of you in the same boat will ease the ache a little.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 2:21pm
Hi! I am also new to this board but I am glad that I am not the only one going through this. If you search the boards, there are many articles on how our DH is "not ready". I think it is a guy thing. There are many reasons why they want to wait. You need to talk to them and give them time but not too much time. I feel my maternal instincts kicking in right now. I want to have a baby so bad. But he does not and I have to respect his wishes. He comes from an abusive childhood and that is one reason why he does not want kids. He is afraid he will end up being an abusive father.

It is a big life change and a huge responsibility and a lot of men are selfish because they are mostly immature. They want their "things" and they don't deal with change very well.

That's my 2 cents. I feel you. I am in the same boat - our situations are similar and also different in many ways.

This is a great board. I appreciate all the strong, supportive women out there that feel the same way I do and share the same things I feel. This is GREAT!

Avatar for jlynna12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 1:19pm
Hi, Dawn, is it? Welcome to the board. I read your other post too, and I am soo sorry that your DH is changing his mind constantly. That is really tough to have to deal with. I can certainly understand your frustration, especially if both you and DH admit that he doesn't know why he's feeling that way. My suggestion is to just never stop talking. I agree that it's hard to determine when suggesting turns into nagging (I'm classic for nagging, but am really just reminding my DH to do something). So, perhaps you can "schedule" a date to talk? Maybe have candles, make it special, and just lay it all out on the line to him. Explain your feelings as best you you want to carry another child (especially his!) and how important that is to you. In your other post you said that you are having a difficult time seeing him as an equal parter, in my opinion, that should never stop (you should always try to see him as an equal partner, that is). Try to get from him an understanding as to why he want's to wait. Is he suddenly scared that his original date is so close? My DH sort of panicked a bit, but realized he was just a little nervous. Anyway, I don't know if any of this helped, or if I'm just babbling....but welcome to the board. I am actually a graduate, but I love the gals still here, I have to keep checking out what's going on :-D

Jlynn, TTC #1


Jlynn, Momma to Asher and Ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:27am
Well, this post answers my questions on your other post! I want to welcome you to the board and I'm glad you found a home here. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Please feel free to vent and scream and kick all you want to us--that's what we're here for!

Sarah, WTT #4 5/05