Just cold feet? (m)

Avatar for natbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just cold feet? (m)
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 8:34am
Okay, so AF is due this week. After that, dh and I have agreed to start trying finally. But I am having second thoughts and can't decide if it's cold feet or practical considerations. ARGH! One the one hand, I don't think I can stand to wait another second. But here's the reason for the conflict. We are bidding on a house (actually a two flat which we are going to be sharing with a married couple we're friends with). That was one of our ttc goals, so good--right? Well, the thing is, it needs work. Paint and spackle and a new kitchen and possibly a new bathroom. Assuming we even get the place (we're bidding a lot less than they're asking given all the work it needs--the downstairs kitchen is totally raw with no cabinets or appliances), we're going to have a lot of work to do. Some of it will be done professionally, but we'll like paint ourselves and other things. The good news is that we may all be able to afford to pay a few months rent once we start paying our mortgage so we could stay in our apartments and work on the place before we move in.

But, if I get pg right away, I'd be in my first trimester for all this work. And I want to be able to help. I have a baby book that says its perfectly safe to be around latex paint when yr pg. And a lot of the other work, dh said he wouldn't expect me to be much use to him whether I was pg or not. So... I guess I'm just wondering what affect pg willl have on me because I don't want to be totally useless. But we also have family that would probably be willing to pitch in a weekend here and there. And we are planning to have some of the work professionally done.

On the other hand, I may not even get pg before we start doing the work in which case it would be no problem. I guess I just don't know whether I'm being immature and impatient to forge ahead with ttc knowing that there's the possibiility of a lot of work at our new home.

Also, dh is applying to grad school right now. He heard back from one school, and he was wait listed. I'm not sure if that's an okay thing, like if he still has a chance to get in? He is still waiting to hear from three more schools, but we were hoping this one would be a given. I'm really hoping for him that he'll get in. It means so much to him, and I don't know what he'll do otherwise. It's just one more stress right now to add to the house and baby stuff.

Plus, I am really starting to worry about affording a baby. Now, we saw a two flat yesterday where this whole family was living in a basement (an honest to goodness basement with concrete floors), and I'm sure we can afford a baby if they can. We've done a cursory search for median day care prices in our city and have estimated that we could do it and still pay a buttload of money for dh's school (assuming we don't qualify for financial aid, which we probably won't this year because of all the $ we've been saving for our house).

Sigh. I don't know what to think. Am I just a waffler? Dh seems ready to forge ahead. I asked him the other nite if we could start ttc at the absolute perfect time for him without any further influence from me when he would pick. He said he thinks he'd wait until the house stuff is figured out (i.e., bid accepted and moving toward a closing date), but that he's still totally fine with trying now.

What do you guys think? Also, any positive energy about the people accepting our bid and dh getting into grad school would be much appreciated!

Avatar for jagraham323
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:21am

First about grad school, have your DH call and speak to the Admissions office or an advisor. They should be able to give him some idea about the percentage of wait listed people that typically make it into the program. It might be really high and then you guys could relax a little on that point. Also, even if he doesn't qualify for financial aid, he should ask for information about student loans. They have very low interest rates right now, plus he can defer paying until after he graduates.

About the house stuff, I'm sure there are lots of things you can do to help in the new house while being pregnant. Maybe not the type of things you would do if you weren't pregnant, but I'm sure there are things you can contribute. I really hope you get some good news on the bid soon!

I am Queen of the Wafflers, and while I can't look inside your head ;) it seems like this might be a case of cold feet. Make a list of pros and cons for trying/waiting. See if waiting seems like a good idea when you have it all down in black and white. Meanwhile, I'll give you the old adage that if you wait until the perfect time to have a baby, you'll never have one!

Good luck!


WTT#1 - Aug. '03 (Assuming I don't talk myself out of it again!)

Avatar for pkbw28
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 12:14pm
Well, there could be two ways of looking at this: One is that it is a simple case of cold feet, and two is that you are thinking of things to wait longer because you really aren't ready. I tend to agree with Jenny, I think it's cold feet!!! LOL We've all been there!! I can't tell you the number of times I changed my ttc date. In fact, I first decided to ttc #3 almost 2 years ago! LOL And here I sit!!

It sounds like you and DH have met or are currently meeting most, if not all of your wtt goals!! Congrats on that, some of us never get that far!! And your DH is totally on board, congrats on that, too!! Also, like you said, you may not get pg right away, and then you will be pg for 9 months. Now, there could be unforseen circumstances, such as bed rest, etc. during a pg, but these are usually low risks.

As far as the house, there is a lot you can do to help, and if not, there is DH, the other couple, and family members, right?! It sounds like you have all the help you need there, and if everything doesn't get done before baby, that's ok, right? Once you buy a house, it seems like the rest of your life goes into upkeep, etc, so there's no rush. As long as it's safe and habitable.

Well, I hope I make sense. This is just my opinion. I'm sure you'll get lots of great ideas!! Good luck!~Penny

Avatar for queenie620
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 10:01pm
Well, you have to ask yourself: If all of these things you're concerned about do fall into place, will there be other things that you will find before you want to start TTC? I truly believe that there is never a perfect time to start TTC. There is always going to be some debt to be paid off, or something that needs to get done.

You also need to ask yourself if you're just looking for reasons to not start TTC. You may just not be emotionally ready for it.

Also, remember you probably won't get pg right away, and even if you do, the baby won't arrive for nine months. That's almost a whole year to get things squared away to prepare for the arrival.

Only you truly know what you feel in your heart. If your heart says yes, then just go for it!


WTT #1 December 2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:57am
The "good luck" is for DH getting into school! As for the house remodeling, DH and I have just recently gutted and remodeled our house, and we're actually still working on it (laundry room addition). Having BTDT, I personally wouldn't put off TTC, BUT after some of the work I've done, I'm not sure that I could have done it in my first trimester. The hardest things were framing the roof, doing the drywall, and sanding the plaster seams on the drywall. And painting near the tops of the vaulted ceilings, LOL. Something to consider--if the house is older, there might be building materials (such as asbestos) that a pregnant woman should not be around. You might want to check in to that. Good luck with your decision--let us know, of course!