My body is playing mind tricks on me
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|Mon, 05-18-2009 - 3:27pm|
My husband and I are waiting to try. We have talked about it and both want a child but don't feel it is the right time for us right now. We are careful but not religious about it.
To kind of help us along with our wait, we are getting a dog.... for the first time in weeks, I have been so happy with this new addition to our small family I haven't paid attention to my body. I missed my period (only 6 days - but I am like clockwork) and so trembling, scared, hopeful, praying (for what I don't know) I took a pregnancy test.... and it was negative. All of a sudden, all those PMS cramps, headache, and fatigue that I hadn't felt at all all week hit my like a mac truck. I suddenly lost all the joy of our puppy and can't help but be frustrated with my life. I want a child so bad but what responsible person would bring a child into the world when their life is uncertain and hasn't lined itself yet (I am a graduate student, he works 9-5, we have only been married a year, we have no savings, we have no house, we live paycheck to paycheck).
I know my reasons to wait. I am just so upset that my own body would sabotage me.... so frustrated, so disappointed, so relieved, so sad, so hopeful, so conflicted... I am going to find a corner to cry in.