Need to cry a bit

Avatar for jlynna12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Need to cry a bit
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 8:58am
Hi All, I need someone to cry to, if you don't mind. Yesterday I was told we may not be able to go off the pill on May 31....My husband (no D today) has been having some issues with work. And I'm totally supportive of him looking for something else. We've even considered re-locating to another state, and I'm supportive of that (not thrilled, but supportive). He kept telling me that no matter what, the baby date was staying the same. That plan was going to stay the same, and I was taking all the other changes and thoughts of change ok because at least one plan was staying the same (we were going to look for a house in the fall as well, but if we are going to re-locate, we don't want to have to sell a house we've only had for a short while). Anyway, yesterday we were picking up some stuff to do resume and getting ready to post it online and stuff, when the subject of birth control came up. And he said, perhaps this wouldn't be my last pack (I began the last pack yesterday). I got a little defensive, and his argument was he doesn't want to quit working and not have insurance and end up needing some test or an appointment or heaven forbid give birth while he's in the interim time at a new job without insurance. I can understand this, but MAN does it make me angry. He said we shouldn't really put ourselves in a situation where we could get pregnant until a decision is made of what to do. If he's going to look in the city where we live, then that's fine, because I have my insurance with my company still. But, if we're going to look outside the city, then we would need to wait until we're settled somewhere. Now, I love my husband to death, but he can not make a decision sometimes to save his life. And, I know it will be a while for this to be made. He said he wanted to give his current job another couple months before he decides to leave or not (he's hoping it will get better for him). SOOOOOOOOOOOo....I'm totally on the fence now. I'm the type of person who HAS to have a plan. And we had one, we both make pretty good money, we were going to go off the pill in May, start trying for a baby in Aug/Sept, buy a house in Sept/Oct, and begin our family life together. Now we're stuck in a stupid apartment, not going to try for a baby, and may or may not be moving and leaving all my friends, my mom and my sister (we have family in 4 different states, so we could move to a new support group, but it's not a guarantee). Anyway, sorry to vent and cry so early in the week, but I had a pretty rough night last night. I feel so left behind. All my friends have a house and/or kids (2 kids at that). I'm older than a lot of them, and I am still in an apartment and have no idea now when I might be able to start having kids. I don't want to start trying too late, then find out that we can't have them, and feel even worse. I just want to cry but I can't do that anymore. Thanks for listening everyone!

Jlynn WTT #1 ??????


Jlynn, Momma to Asher and Ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:32am
Oh my gosh--I am so sorry for you. My heart breaks for you--I wish I had some kind of stunning advice that would make you feel better, but all I can give you is a huge cyber-hug. I pray everything will work out for you and your husband and that you'll have your family and house and all that very soon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 11:35am

I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I know you made up a plan and it's being blown apart. Changing jobs and moving are two stressful things and shouldn't involve pregnancy too (unless you can't help it). I know whatever the decision you guys make will be the right one!

Take care and a big cyber hug from me


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 11:47am
Oh I am so sorry! That is so frustrating. I know how you feel, left behind. It sucks! Sorry I don't have advice to give either, just lots of hugs for you. You guys will make the right decision and you WILL have kids someday. It just may not be how you planned it. (Which I know is SOOOOO frustrating! I am a "planner" too!)



Avatar for pitzerja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 1:22pm
Cry with me, Sister!!! We had a very similar conversation at our house this weekend and I was not very pleased with it. I am also a planner and have been ready to TTC for over a year. Unfortunately, life keeps throwing little side curves at us, it sucks!

I completely understand what you are saying and empathize! Hang in there, things will work out eventually, at least that's what I tell myself.

Big Hugs,

JenP - WTT#2, Sept 2003 (I hope?!?!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 2:30pm
((((Hugs))))-Oh my gosh, I can only imagine how you must feel. I'll keep my fingers crossed and say a few prayers that everything works out quickly for *H*, whether it's in his current job or with a new one. I'm so sorry this came up for you!



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 3:05pm

I too am so sorry about all these things you are going through. I am also TOC soon and a lot of my friends are pregnant or just had kids. Its so tough once children get thrown into the mix. My friend was planning on moving to a house and start thinking about her second child but now her husband may need a new job so they also can't move out. Its crazy I know but it will work out in time. I have another friend who also is leaving her job and her husband doesnt get insurance. The whole idea of a baby with no health insurance or a high insurance payment each month is scary too.

Maybe your husband will decide to stick with what he has now for a while. Maybe he just had a bad week at work? I wish you the best and I am sure it will work out in the end :)

Avatar for queenie620
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 11:22pm
First of all, don't EVER apologize for crying or venting to us. That is EXACTLY what we are here for. I am so sorry this is happening. I would be disappointed as well. I guess all you can really do at this point is try to think positive, and hope and pray that either DH won't want to change jobs, or he will at least want to look in the area you are currently living in (that way you will at least be able to use your current insurance for medical expenses).

I cannot even begin to tell you how many tears I have cried because my DH won't even tell me that it's okay to go off of my BCP in December. I know what it's like to feel like your getting older, and things may not work as planned. I like to plan things too, and my DH won't allow it.

So, BIG (((((HUGS))))), and you are in my prayers. Everything WILL work out. It is just a matter of waiting for the proof that they will:)