New! :|

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2009
New! :|
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:57pm

HI everyone.

I'm new to this messageboard, well all messageboards really.

I came to this Website for advice on trying to conceive and approaches to take to start the conversation with my husband.

Just this past January 26, 2009, my husband and I experienced a miscarriage. The pregnancy itself wasn't planned, but we weren't doing anything to prevent it. I personally prefer, to let nature and God take their course.

I was supposed to have been 11 weeks at this time. And we new very quickly that I was pregnant and had 7 weeks together, thinking, planning, and reading about our new baby to come.

Since the miscarriage, I think about trying again constantly! I'm unsure of how to approach this issue with my husband. I attempted to ask him today -- "Have you thought about any 'baby stuff'?" And his reply was "not really."

I feel like I'm pulling teeth with him. And I don't want to pressure him and make him feel like he's in a corner. Since January, I've had a really hard time coping and getting back to normal. He was very emotional and upset for a few weeks after, and hasn't really shown or expressed any emotion regarding the situation in quite sometime. Its difficult.

I would like to maybe try again in May. If there is something more to our 'prenatal' issues rather than just a random spontaneous event, I'd rather know sooner, rather than later. And just having taking your "Fertility Knowledge Quiz" I see that fertility declines measurably at age 27; I'm currently 26. So I really don't want to wait -- Like I'm sure my husband does.

Any suggestions? Or supportive advice?

I'm so scared that this will happen again -- even though I've been told that my chances of this are no more higher. But I guess now that I have had a glimpse of what pregnancy can be, or could be, its all I think about, and I want to know that I can do it...carry through with a healthy, and HAPPY pregnancy.

How do I approach my husband in a calm and neutral way?

Is it hard to wait a year or longer??

I'm a crazy?!

Thanks for 'listening' ! :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
In reply to: amandab01
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 2:38pm

Hi Manda! Let me first say that I’m very sorry to hear about your loss this past January. Planned pregnancy or not, it’s a horrible pain to live through. Everyone (moms and dads) deals with the loss of a pregnancy a little differently. It may be that your husband just isn’t ready to talk about the loss and TTC another quite yet.

My H and I had an unplanned pregnancy a couple of years ago. We were just really started to get super excited about becoming parents when I miscarried. It took H over a year before he was ready to talk to me about it at all. I had never seen him so shut down and it really put a tremendous strain on our relationship. Maybe your H just needs a little more time.

You know him better than anyone. When you think you can, or you think he can handle it, you should try to at least express what thoughts you are having about TTC again in May and see if the two of you can come to some sort of compromise. At least then you’ll both know exactly where you stand.

That said, I can really understand how you’re feeling, too. I’m also 26 and can hear my biological clock pounding in my head with all of the same worries that you expressed. In fact, this message board is full of ladies who are going to understand exactly where you’re coming from and can give some great advice.

dreaming of becoming a mommy blinkie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2008
In reply to: amandab01
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 1:50am

Hi Manda!!

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I would suggest sitting down with your husband and talking about your feelings and fears and listening to his as well, you maybe on the same page and just not know it.

Either way I hope you enjoy posting here until you start TTC.

I'm Ashley and my husband and I are waiting until October to try for our first.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
In reply to: amandab01
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 3:42pm

Hi Mandy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how painful that experience would be.

My advice would be to ensure you pick a good time to talk to DH

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