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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
new here!
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Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:43pm

hi my name is Lucy I am 23 years old and My DF name is Phil also 23. we are getting married April 30th so a few weeks to go. we have been together for 5.5 years. we want boys and it has been a long standing joke that we will only get girls since we want boys, he is kind of terrified of girls, bad experience with sisters. so the biggest question with a new marriage is when are you going to start a family. my response has been i am not sure it will happen when it happens. a while ago DF and I talked about me finishing school and maybe waiting til about 25 to have kids, but over the weekend he told me he doesn't want to wait anymore that we should start trying after the wedding. I said that was great but the more I think about it I start panicking. I am just getting used to the idea of being married let alone start a family. I don't think we can afford it but then again that saying goes you can never afford kids, if you wait until you can afford it it will be too late. I know its not going to happen on the first try i don't think but it just kind of freaks me out because I just got excited about traveling together more and buying a house and I feel so bad about not being ready because he is, he doesn't even care now if we have a girl or not. I don't know any advice? anyone been through this before? I have just been thinking about getting married for so long i guess i never really wanted to think about what would happen afterward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
In reply to: luvaff
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 3:20pm
Hi Lucy! Welcome to the board! I'm Victoria, 29, and DH and I are WTT our first!

Congrats on getting married! I know most people say that kids are expensive, but I think if you truly don't feel ready financially that you might want to wait until you feel more secure. Saving money takes time and you are both quite young!

If you don't feel ready now, I don't advise for you to start TTC because it could happen on the first try! It is difficult when one SO is ready and the other isn't. You also have a wedding to go through first and that is stressful enough! Good luck, whatever you decide, and I hope you stick around!

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Registered: 07-18-2010
In reply to: luvaff
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 7:12pm

Hi! Rebekah, 22, married, DH is 26. I know how you feel, Lucy. Me and DH just got married last May and some days I think, "Well, maybe we'll wait a year or two longer til our money catches up..........or until we take a trip to ________.......etc". I say on most days I'm ready to start a family, but then when I have an exhausting day and I am laying in the bed about to fall asleep I think, "If I had a baby right now, I would get no sleep and that would suck!" LOL. I like my sleep. DH starts his first 'big job' [he graduates with his masters on the day of your wedding! btw, congrats!--we'll both be celebrating for something!] the beginning of May and we have student loans to pay back and I often want to wait until our finances 'catch up', but I know we could manage in any way we choose. It's really hard to know when you are 100% ready.......or maybe some people do feel 100% ready, but I know most of the time I'm like 60% ready and 40% not ready........but then some days when I watch a "Baby Story" marathon on TLC I feel like I'm 500% ready! hahaha. My husband just says tells me we can have one today or we can have one 3 years from now, it's all up to me. No pressure, right? =P

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
In reply to: luvaff
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 11:36pm
Hi Lucy, welcome to the board! You're in the perfect place to wait this out, most of us are in unsure situations of when to TTC, have reasons to wait or have different ideas from our SOs. Congrats on your VERY SOON wedding!!

I'm Becki, I'm 25 and my DH Paul is 27. We got married young too - I was almost 22. We've been married 3.5 years and I've had baby fever since before the wedding, but it hasn't been the right time yet.

I think you should definitely finish school first. It's great that you're both so excited to have kids, but there's no need to rush - he's probably just so excited about the wedding that he's ready for your new married life to start and thinking future! That's a great thing! But just as I am waiting for my DH to be ready, he needs to wait for you to be ready. All in good time. Good luck with the last minute wedding details!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: luvaff
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 3:59pm
Hi Lucy, welcome to the board! I also think you should give it some time, enjoy being a married couple before you bring babies into the mix. Although there is never the perfect time, you can still be better prepared for them. Good luck with your decision!