New Here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
New Here!
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Thu, 07-08-2004 - 2:25pm
Hi!

I am 26, married for 2.5 years. I started grad school 6 months into our marriage. Its a crazy program...(88 credits and you have to go full time = 3 years with summers) anyway this year coming up is my last year. 1 semester of classes and one semester of clinicals. horray! Now of course my DH is starting grad school this fall. He is going full time but his is only 40 credits so it will be 2 years with no summers.

To help us in this time, we have moved into my inlaws basement. ohhh so much fun!

ANyway I think we will start "trying" maybe Dec. 05. I am so excited about that.

It can be crazy and I HATE when people are like, "ohhh just have a baby now, things work themselves out." First of all, they are killing me becuase I would love to have a baby now, its just really makes no sense to do so! And I know that if we wait until at least one of us is out of school it will be at least a little less stressful!

Anyway thats my story!

Michelle

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:56pm
Hi, Michelle! I'm 27, married, and have three kids born 7/98 (6), 9/00 (3), and 6/03 (12.5m). We're waiting to try for number four in May 2005. We're planning on having five, and we're just not-so-patiently waiting to space them out. The almost three year separation was much easier than the first two at two years apart! I'm a SAHM and we're a homeschooling family. I'm in and out here--not much of a regular poster, but I was cl for a while (sohappilyme). I started an online and mail order business, however, that takes up a great deal of my time so I had to resign.

I hope you stick around! We need to build up traffic at this board, LOL! And it's great to meet you!

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 4:41pm

Welcome to the board, Michelle!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 2:40pm
Thanks for your replies! Its tough waiting to try. Simetimes I dont even think about children and then other days I feel completely surrounded by pregnant women and kids! I do hope this board "picks up little." I feel like no one around me understands or is in my situation!

=D

Michelle

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 12:44pm
hi michelle! i am new here as well.

i'm in a very similar situation. dh (28) and i (26) have been married just over 2 years now. we're *both* in phd programs and are 3 years in. we're hoping to finish in 2 more years putting us ttc in early 2006 (assuming we can write our dissertations rather quickly; it's hard to predict). there is just no way that we have the time and money to have a child now, but we are both incredibly impatient! in terms of our marriage, etc., we are definitely ready today, or even yesterday, for a little one. i know waiting is the right thing to do, i would love to be a partial/mostly sahm, but it is SO FREAKING HARD sometimes! we went to a wedding last weekend and saw lots of college friends, including 3 with babies under 3 mos. ouch!

christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 1:56pm
Hi!

You know they say that getting all/most of you "schooling" in when you are in your 20's in the best thing..... but its so hard when other people around us in our age bracket have babies. and then of course theres that damn clock.

We have actually decided to start to TTC this Nov. lol. I will be finished with school at the end of June....have a megga test to take (hopefully in the end of June) So we are planning to try for a due date in August.

Even though we have decided this...there is still a little bit of me that is like....wont it be so much easier if we just wait......It's like, I really want a baby now....and having the due date in Aug would totally work......but waiting a year might be so much more practical.

I know once the baby is here....none of this will matter. I doubt very much that DH and I would ever "regret" anything once our child was sittting in front of us. So its just figuring it all out.......9/10 I feel completely ready to start......but that stupid 1/10 where I am like.....me? be a mommy? ohhhh shoot that mean I have to grow up too doesnt it.

lol

Good luck and welcome to the board....there for your welcome I threw all of my fears at you! LOL

Michelle

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 9:10am
yeah, in principle the whole plan to get school out of the way first is fine, but what about us poor souls working on phds? it's a minimum of 5 years beyond undergrad and often longer (7 is typical in my department). i am trying to stay on the fast track and finish in 5 but my advisor doesn't like it very much, he would prefer i delay a year longer and publish more articles. aggggh. when women in my department get pregnant during school it is treated like some kind of national disaster. the advice you get here is to wait until you have tenure to start your family. hello? that's 4 years undergrad + 6 years grad + 1-2 years postdoc + 5 years junior faculty = 35 years old at the earliest to start. of course this advice comes from men.

my husband has a bad case of baby fever and he suggested recently that we just go ahead anyway sort of as you plan to do...and to heck with the consequences... it was so tempting!!! but i am not sure i could handle grad school and being a mommy at the same time. i am not sure i can handle grad school by itself!

christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 1:50pm
"the advice you get here is to wait until you have tenure to start your family"

oh ok, lol, someone tell that to mother nature. lol!

"i am not sure i could handle grad school and being a mommy at the same time. i am not sure i can handle grad school by itself! "

I know what you mean. When we changed out minds from waiting 1.5 years to waiting 3 months it was scary...still is. I guess the way we thought of it was....we always have said that we want kids. Never have we even toyed with the idea of never having them. And when I say kids I mean 2 - 3 maybe even 4 (but thats unlikely lol)

When we got married I had just turned 24, DH was 26...I hadnt even started grad school yet, but I knew i wanted to....Some people get married only after "everything is set" in their own lives...We have friends who have been together for years, live together, want to get married but wont until they are finished with school and whatever else.

So when we thought about babies....it was like, do we wait until everything is perfect? We certainly didnt for the marriage part and there are no regrets at all. I mean there are deffinately things that make a poor situation for having a baby. And honestly, we are going to start in Nov.....but if by the Dec. cycle we are not pg...then we may rethink the timing....Its like there are these windows of pg oppertunity...lol.


I def. have baby fever. I actually was at the mall the other day and went into the baby clothes section. so small...(sniff)... lol

We have a different set of friends who got pg accidently, they were dating for about 5 years but not engaged or married...one shotgun wedding later......the baby will be 2 next month...the girl's carreer got thrown out of wack a little....but they have this little baby...and they are so happy.

hohummm

:o)

Michelle

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:13pm
i am completely with you on jumping in when you are ready and not waiting for everything to be perfect. that was the approach we took to our marriage- we got engaged when we were long distance before we knew how we would work it out to be together (he kindly transferred grad schools for me- what a sweetheart!). we knew we wanted to be married and that was the most important thing at the time.

he and i went to Very Prestigious U and have plenty of college friends who are in love but putting off marriage until grad school/med school/law school is finished.. i just don't get that. life is too short not to be with the one you love! and the same logic definitely applies to having children as well, but the part i keep thinking about is how there is this added dimension of responsibility. and that makes it trickier. babies are just more expensive and time consuming than husbands! not that i am planning to have all designer clothes for the lb but you know what i mean. i've been a student continuously and we're pretty poor so i'm just thinking about having the basics like decent health insurance and a crib for the baby to sleep in, instead of the sock drawer. but i say, if you can work it out, by all means go for it.

so what kind of grad program are you in?

christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:57pm
"and a crib for the baby to sleep in, instead of the sock drawer."

haha!!


So my DH and I were talking about what where we are going to live when i am finished school and we are toying with living in a different state.....so after much discussion we now are thinking about moving the TTC date to July 05.....lol...7-8 months later...

it has gone from....Dec. 05 -> Nov.04 -> July 05.

I think planning a big move, while finishing up school and taking an exam...while 7-8 months pg might just be a bit much.....lol.....call me crazy..:oD


I am going to school for Occupational therapy. Its 88 credits, three years with summers and 9 months of fieldwork. This semester coming up (fall) is my last semester of classes...and then the spring semester I have the final 6 months of clinicals. I will graduate in May but will finish on June 18. I am hoping to take the test at the end of June.

I am so sick of being in school. Its gone so fast and there is only one year left...but I am burnt out!

What program are you in?

:o)

Michelle

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: miss_giraffe
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:47pm
i'm in a doctoral program for clinical psychology. i finished my masters degree in 2003 after two years and am hoping to finish all my research, classes, practicums, and internship year by august 2006. my five-year plan is now contingent on me proposing my dissertation by the end of october- eek! hence i work all day every day lately. besides i am teaching an undergrad course this year which is SO MUCH WORK in prep time.

to get licensed as a psychologist i need another year of supervised experience post doc plus i have to pass a test. but quite frankly i can't even think that far ahead at the moment- i am just trying to get my degree and run! we will also move once we graduate- my husband is getting his doctorate in genetics/biochemistry and will need a postdoc position somewhere other than where we are now. so if all goes according to our current plan i will be rather pregnant when we move. i figure it means everyone will have to do the moving for me since i won't be allowed to do any lifting! allright! the good thing is my last year of school is a full time internship, i'll be doing therapy 40 hours a week, which won't be nearly as stressful because i won't have homework or studying to do anymore. that should make being pregnant at that time more manageable.

sorry your ttc date got pushed back. we are still holding firm at jan 06.

christine

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