Newbie here - saying hi, got questions!!
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|Mon, 03-22-2004 - 9:44am|
The catch? Well, there are a few catches.
#1 - I'm 29, will be 30 at the wedding. I don't know where members of this board stand on the recent rash of info and debates concerning declining fertility - in fact I wanted to find a board as devoid of politicizing of this question as possible. On the one hand, there are studies that say a woman's fertility begins declining at 27. On the other hand, my mother conceived me only 2 weeks off the Pill, at age 29, and many women in my family have had trouble-free first pregnancies well into their 30's, and a couple have even waited until 40. All healthy babies.
I would love to hear about people's individual beliefs or experiences regarding waiting to try until in your 30's.
#2 - I know for a fact that my DF (DH-to-be) wouldn't mind starting earlier. We are both professional opera singers at the beginning stages of our careers... that is, we don't get work all the time, and when we do it doesn't usually pay that well. We also live in New York City, which is expensive. DF really doesn't want to go back to having to temp, so he teaches voice - and makes about half what I do (I don't know how he survives, frankly). We are just starting to talk about the logistics of pooling our finances.
The reality is, if we both want to pursue this career, until at least one of us becomes quite successful at it (and it's not a given that either of us will), a child should be out of the question IMO. We have some friends who are both at about our stage of career and have a baby, and it does make it extremely difficult. Bsically I am feeling that the only resposible thing to do would be for one of us to give it up, unless we both succeed. That is why I want to wait - to give us both time to really give this thing our all before we bring responsibility for another human being into the equation. DF sees the logic in this, although he really doesn't want to wait too long. We struck a bargain that we'll begin trying no later than when I'm 35, but unless I become very successful in the next few years (it's very hard for a woman to put in the career-building time with a baby), we won't try before I'm 33.
Anyway, we have to negotiate between our dreams - mine and his, our seriously unstable finances (unless one of us sucks it up and takes a job he/she doesn't really want), and our desire to eventually be parents!
Sorry for the minor novel ;-) But, these things are on my mind.
Any advice welcome.