New..sad..help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
New..sad..help :(
9
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:21am

Hi Everyone,


I briefly posted an intro under another thread but i'd like to introduce myself again. I am 28 and my DH is 30. We have been married for 2 years. We have a nice home and i have a reliable job which i like a lot. DH also has a great job (although stressful) and he is upgrating his skills/education part time. So, in a nut shell, all should be great, right?


Well not quite. I am ready for TTC. H shifts between being ready and not being ready. I feel very discouraged at times. This weekend was difficult for me. PMS DID NOT HELP. I thought we were on the same page. That in the next few months, we will TTC. Well we met up with a (male) friend the other day who kept going on and on about how difficult it is to have kids, how he will wait much longer, etc. etc. And you know what - i broke down and i cried. In front of him and my H. I just couldn't take it. TTC is on my mind all the time. And the waiting is killing me. And it did not help to hear his rambling!! H did not say much, he tried to agree with the both of us so nto to offend anyone but he of course wasn't happy with me crying in front of his friend. My emotions are all out of whack.


Trying to get back to normal today. Thank GOD this weekend is over.


How do you deal with these things? With H not being quite ready? With other people's opinions? How often do you bring up this issue at home?


Thanks all for listening to my vent.

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:16pm
I am sorry you are going through this! I know how hard it can be.. Give him time guys seem to have a harder time with the whole TTC idea it scares them to know that they will have a child that will also depend on them. Give him time I know it is hard to wait but that is really all we can do sucks but it true. I am sure he will come around soon seeing as he keeps going back and forth :) My DH is saying No right now and I am hoping that in 6 months he will change his mind he says we will talk about it in 6 months I am just hoping it wont be a long talk lol..

Cadie & Dave, Jayson 8, Brody 7, Brutis 6 and Rylee 2 Furbabies Bear and Roxy. After 52 C's of TTC #1 With a Arcuate Shaped Uterus (Heart Shaped Uterus) and IUI #1 early m/c, IUI #2 Friday 11/05/04 failed, IUI #3 failed, IUI #4 and #5 Failed. First round of Clomid. We Finally got our BFP!! And had our little Girl on Aug. 29th 2008






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septstargaze
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:31pm

(((HUGS)))


I know how tough this is! My DH was the same way before we decided to WTT again. I am finding this is pretty common with men. They are... well, different. That crazy, unsatisfied biological pull is just not as strong to most of them.


That was a little insensitive if your DH's friend started going off about how difficult kids are if he knew you were thinking about TTC. If he didn't know, well, people say stupid things. They don't think. I am sure he felt pretty bad after you started crying. I doubt he will make that mistake again.


Your DH may just need time to come around. If he really wants kids, he will. I never thought my DH would agree to a 3rd (especially after #2 was a nightmare!), but as time passes and it gets easier (yes, it does get easier), he has changed his mind. No matter how hard having kids is, or how someone rants about it (I have done it myself!), people still have kids. People LOVE their kids. Your DH will, too.


Hang in there!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 1:40pm
Hi Sunshine! I second what everyone else has said. Baby fever is hard to handle and some men just do not feel it the way we do, hugs! I hope your waiting to try will be a quick one! Sure, kids are hard to raise, but it is all worth it in the end! Best of luck!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 2:27pm

Thanks for the Hugs and nice words ladies.. it really helps.


I just felt lousy because DH and i had come close to an understanding..that we would try in the next little while. We even stopped using any BC a month ago, just because. Not that we are TTC, but we arent not TTC either. We don't BD much but when we do, i want him to know that it may have consequences. And he's ok with it. So we just try to be careful.


I guess i have a bout of baby fever right now. I feel this tremendous urge. And no, guys aren't feeling it i guess..


At what point would you all stop waiting? I mean, at what point would waiting be "too long" and you would "give up"?


Thanks,

Sunshine


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Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:42pm
That's a good question! Until I feel that my WTT goals are mostly met. I also realize I may be setting myself up for perfection in fear of parenthood, so I know I have to keep that in mind!


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Avatar for sandyc299
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 2:07pm

I was in your shoes not too long ago. I thought my dh would never come around and he did. Once I left it alone he came around and when I least expected it and earlier than I thought. Now I am WTTC #2 and hoping he will TTC #2 when I want to. See I am getting older and don't have a ton of time left, I will be 35 next month. We are waiting until our son is at least 2 so hoping to talk him into TTC #2 in December 2011 or January 2012. I do have time though but I am a planner and I think that makes him nervous. So I'm not bringing it up until about around my bday next yr and see what happens. So i have been there before and may have to again. Men are also worried about fiances at least mine is.

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Edited 8/19/2010 6:25 am ET by sandyc299

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 2:18pm

Hi Sandy - thank you.


Yes, H is worried about finances for sure. However, there is no REAL worry to me. Honestly. We are in okay shape. If you expect to be completely out of debt, or for things to magically be "perfect", well that won't happen!


I know H wants to be a daddy. We talk about it often. But i think i will not talk about it for at least a month right now. Maybe even two months. We will have our wedding anniversary in 2 months. Maybe i will bring it up then. For now though i will let it rest. He is extremely busy and overwhelmed with commitments (work, school, home).


I just hate the waiting part. Waiting, waiting. And more waiting. When the time is right it will come - and as you say, maybe sooner than later, right?


Sunshine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 5:53pm

Hugs! I hear you and I completely understand. I think those feelings are the reason most of us are here - at some point we've had that desperation of baby fever. But I'm really sorry you had that awful experience in front of DH's friend.

If it helps, I get baby fever spikes during PMS and ovulation too. And my husband is also not quite ready, and won't set a TTC date, even though he enjoys talking about kids with me and brings it up all the time. But when I ask him what the holdup is between where he is now and feeling ready to TTC, he doesn't know.

I also get baby fever most when I have too much time on my hands to think about it. Really the best thing I've found helps is having other things to occupy your mind.

If you think he is a couple of months away from TTC, as he said, maybe figure out what his anxieties are and discuss them openly. If he's nervous because he's never handled babies, you can babysit for a friend. If he's nervous about money, you can write out your budget and make a plan. Plus remind him that it will be 9-10 months, almost a year, before the baby is here once you're PG!

But that said, the best I can offer is that I'm in a similar boat and I sympathize. Keep us posted if you talk with him about this. But sometimes guys just need space from the TTC talk too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 10:50pm

Hi! I'm new here too. I totally understand the baby fever. We are tcc #2 and just found out yesterday about some layoffs at our school (not us, blessings counted) and now DH thinks we need to wait until things are better with the economy before we tcc again. This just doesn't compute in my brain! Wait until the economy turns around? That could take YEARS!!

Anyhow, Dh was nervous before tcc #1 too. I tried not to talk about it too much, even though it was practically the only thing on my mind. But, when we did talk about it I made sure to ask him his fears about being a parent, what he was looking forward too, and what sort of savings plan we should begin in preparation. I think it helped him to talk about his fears frequently. He only came 'round once I told him that I thought he was more ready than he knew. It helped a lot to let him know that I had confidence in him.

It is sooo frustrating, I know. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Thinking good thoughts for you,
Anna