No Date in Sight

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2008
No Date in Sight
4
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 1:55pm

This is going to be long.... :)

Well, I would like to introduce myself on here, seeing as how you are a group of ladies that can totally and completely sympathize with me. My name is Tabetha and I live in a little town in east-central Indiana. I am 22 years old and have been married for almost a year and a half. My husband's name is Brian and he is 27 years old. We are a very happy couple, currently trying to get back on our feet after trying to help my father open a business and it not working out. We have a lot of debt that we are working very hard to pay off. I currently do not get paid for any job that I do... I take care of my Grandmother who can no longer take care of herself. Not an amazing job, especially since the pay sucks (lol) but it makes a difference in her life. My husband is a truck driver. We have 7 furbabies, 3 of which live inside with us. All 7 are wonderful kitties.

Now for the reason that I am here. Ever since I met my husband, almost 4 years ago, we have talked and talked about having kids together, even before we got engaged. We pretty much knew when we met that we were going to get married, so even before things got really serious between us, we already knew that a family was something we wanted to have together. So year after year, the conversations have always been the same. When are we going to have kids? What time frame are we shooting for? In the next year? The next two years? Ever? We have set so many dates to start trying to create a family, but we always change the date before we even get to it. I guess the timing just isn't right yet. Who knows. And all this time that we have been thinking about having kids together, there has always been someone very close to us that is having a baby. First, it was two of my good friends, then both of his sisters, then one of our mutual friends and a good friend of mine. Now it seems like everyone I went to school with is popping them out! I'm sure you all know how I feel.

Now, I know that most of you are going to say that I am so young, that I should live my life a little before I have kids. You might even say that I need to get a more stable life with bills paid off and a better job for both of us. I know both of these things. That is why I am here. We have decided to take at least two and a half years to pay off bills and save up money to buy a house. After that, we can start thinking about kids and possibly setting a date. I am so excited about buying a house though. And to be debt free would be amazing. A lot less stressful, I can tell you that. But that isn't the point. Even if I got pregnant right after those two and a half years, I still would have my first kid after I turned 25. Why is that such a big deal? I have ALWAYS wanted to have my first kid fairly young, before I turned 25. I want to have a lot of kids and if we start trying when I am older, I won't be able to have as many kids. I just realized last night that I wasn't going to be able to meet that goal of mine, so I have been pretty emotional. Thus me coming here for some support.

I have to deal with babies all the time. Every time I turn around there is another baby or someone having a baby. It really takes a lot of effort on my part to hold it together whenever I hear that another couple that I know is having a baby. You know, they didn't plan to have one, but they couldn't be happier! They didn't even know if they wanted kids, but now they are so excited! And the baby shower invitations are just awful. I haven't been to a baby shower since my sister-in-law's in February 2007, and trust me, there have been several. I feel like I just can't talk about this to my husband either. He knows how much I want to have kids, he does too, but since we are not in the position to have kids right now or in the near future, he doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't like that it makes me so sad that we can't have kids right now and feels that if I don't talk about it as much, it would be easier for me. I disagree, thus another reason for me to come here.

So, yeah, that is basically my life story right there! lol! Feel free to give me any little bit of support or comforting you can muster, because I really need it right now.

I can't wait to get to know all of you! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 7:58pm

Hey Tabetha, I'm Jenn, 23, married to Freddy, 24. We have a 8 month old daughter named Madison Belle. We are currently WTT until late 2010, early 2011. I want time to go fast and slow. Fast because I would like to TTC already but slow because I don't want my baby girl growing up so fast! I hope she is out of diapers by the time this other baby comes along just to make things easier, at least it's the plan.


I hope to get to know you better since we are around the same age and what not. I know how you feel about being ready for kids even before you were married/engaged. That's how me and my hubby were, even though Madison was a surprise.


I hope you can pay off your debt and get on your feet again, with a paying job this time so TTC won't be far off!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 3:24am

Hi Tabetha!

Sorry that you guys haven't been able to set a TTC date that you can stick to yet but I am sure it is coming. I hope you have fun posting here with us:)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 6:41am
Hi Tabetha!! My name is Meg (22) and DH is Justin (23). I totally understand your situation because we are there age wise and money wise. DH and I got married a year ago, but we've been TTC since July 06. I hate when people bring up the age thing because I'm 22 and I'm an adult, so I think I'm old enough to decide if I want a kid or not, KWIM? Lol, I even had my doctor (when I was diagnosed with PCOS) tell me I was young, I had plenty of time to try, which irked me. I hope that you enjoy your time here and I hope that one day you guys actually get to set a date!!!
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Lilypie Date is set Ticker



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 9:41am

Hi and welcome!!


You won't hear from me that you are young and have plenty of time. Firstly, there's no age limit on when you start really wanting a baby. Secondly, I've heard that one when I was 28 and my "plenty of time" is not so plenty now that I'm 30 something. My hubby and I had 3 kids between us before we got serious and both of us have always wanted more. We are waiting right now because he is going to get the lap band to lose weight and we are going to make ourselves a healthy family before we try again.


I feel for you with the whole debt and job thing holding you back. When

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