Oh Baby...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Oh Baby...
6
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 7:52pm

So I just got done arguing with Mark over moving into a house vs staying in apartments. It all started when I asked him whether or not we could try for another baby once I finished with my Vet Assistant certification (which I start next month! Yay!), and find a job. He said no, because he wants to be in a house first. An unreliable "friend" told us that they 'may' know someone with a house or two up for rent/lease. Now, the house that they are in is almost unlivable: Before they could move in, they had to haul off TWO full trailers full of garvage from the house, including a dead cat that had been in there and died right there in the livingroom, and they found a (living) dog that had been in the house for at least two months. They had over 10 friends/family helping them clean this place up, and they had to tear up ALL of the carpet in the house, and the garage, which had been converted to two bedrooms, now have the roof caving in, and a hole in the roof. Their parents sleep back there and it was 30 degrees last night, and all they have is a board that keeps falling down to try and keep the cold out.


They say that one of the house that may/may not be available is in the same condition, but that they will help us "clean it up", and my fiance is ALL gung-ho about it.


The other, they say needs a roof, sheetrock work, a washer/dryer, and rent will be free, since there are so many repairs that need to be done and paid for. All my fiance heard in that was "free rent" and he's ready to pack. I'm like, hell NO.


We can't afford the maintenance for a house. 2 weeks ago, our water heater exploded, drenching half our bedroom and a good part of the livingroom in water. Including the carpet. Maintenance was out almost right away to replace the water heater with a newer, better one, and to steam clean the carpet and replace the padding underneath. Now, if we were living in a house, we would have had to pay for ALL of that, and we just don't have the money. We're in condos, everything is taken care of. Free.


In a house, we'd pay for electricity (mind you our bill is already 300 a month because of how low he keeps the thermostat (65 degrees in the house when it's 30 outside)), water, possibly gas, repairs, etc,...we don't have the money to do that. As it is, we pay almost 670 a month for our one bedroom, we have no water bill, our electricity runs us about 300, we have free maintenance, a nice place to live that we pay rent for them to maintain.


On the 18th of this month, we will have been here for 4 years, and with the exception of wanting another bedroom, and having the management being extremely bothersome, i've been happy here. Plenty of people have babies in apartments, you don't NEED a house to have a baby. Just enough space.


I've gone and picked out, and even toured two apartment complexes that are nice, and in the same area as we are now, that are much cheaper and we'd be offered the same thing.


I'm so frustrated right now I could cry. In fact, I did, but I never let him see. He probably being trivial. My body and soul wants a baby so bad, almost more than anything else right now.I lose a baby girl at 23 weeks Nov 2005. I lost another baby Nov 2009 at 2 1/2 months. I'm tired of being pregnant with nothing to show for it. I'm tired of everyone ELSE being the ones who get to have their babies and I don't. It's not fair. I always thought that once I had my certification, and got some job stability, we'd be ready, but Mark would rather have a garage to work on his precious car in. His priorities are so screwed.

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Photobucket Siggy a
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 8:59pm
I just wanted to offer big and gentle ((hugs)).

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 9:06pm
Awe. Thanks. I need those.
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Photobucket Siggy a
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 9:38pm
It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, Kristina, and I'm sorry that you're stressed out. I hope everything works out with your housing (and/or remodeling, if it comes to that) situation soon. ((HUGS))
 
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 12:20pm

Kristina, I hate to give advice when people just need to rant, so HUGS to you with all your frustration and stress!

I'm sorry you feel like he can't understand your point of view on these major life decisions, and I hope you can find a way to sit down and really listen to each other. Nothing is more important in your relationship than being able to communicate, especially on these extremely important issues.

Hang in there, and make sure you have a heart to heart before any decisions are made. Maybe you should make lists of the pros and cons of house/apartment and ask him to do the same, to start the conversation.



Proud CL of Waiting to Try
My Weight Ticker




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 2:02pm
Its hard to communicate with him, he only wants you to see his side, and thats it. Its vey difficult to get him to listen or compromise.
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Photobucket Siggy a
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
In reply to: brokengirl1985
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 2:12pm

*Hugs*! All I can say is that if you don't want to move in a house that needs a lot of work, then you shouldn't. Both of you will live there so it is your decision as well!

I don't think you need a house in order to have kids. I used to want to save 20% on a starter house before trying our first, but that would take us another 3+ years, so we decided to put 10% down on a condo instead, that will have the same amount of SF as a house. We wish to do this next fall as we are still saving for it.

Anyway, I wish you the best! We know it's not easy to wait when you have baby fever!!


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