A sad update (m/c ment)
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|Sat, 03-06-2004 - 4:10am|
I'd had a normal pregnancy and had been blessed (or so I thought) with minimal morning sickness. With dd the morning sickness had been terrible. Everything seemed to be progressing normally...My stomach was growing, I was having symptoms, etc. Then, on Tuesday, I started leaking amniotic fluid (just a small amount). I went to ER, and the nurse tried to hear the heartbeat with the doppler but couldn't. No big deal, as the midwives hadn't been able to hear it at my 10 1/2 week appointment or my 15 week appointment either, and had told me that the baby was just in a weird position at the back of the uterus while the placenta was at the front blocking the way, etc. So the ER nurse did a scan. I was excited at the prospect of having my first ultrasound! However, as soon as an image came up of a silent, unmoving mass...I knew. There was no heartbeat, no movement, nothing. The nurse just kept saying "There's something wrong with this pregnancy." I went back into the dr's cubicle and cried while they ordered an emergency vaginal scan for a closer look. After an hour I was ready to go for my scan. It brought up a clear image of a tiny lifeless baby with a perfect head and little arms and legs. I was diagnosed as having had a missed miscarriage. The baby had been gone for some time but my body hadn't recognised it.
I had a D&C yesterday morning under general anesthetic. It was quite an ordeal. I had an IV, heart monitors, oxygen mask and a breathing tube down my throat during the operation. I was weak and 'out of it' after the operation and spent two hours in the recovery room before going home.
I have had a lot of wonderful support from people, but I'm having a hard time with the grief. I was almost halfway through my pregnancy, and had so many plans for this baby, and now it is gone. I have cried so much over the past 4 days. I've been posting on pregnancy loss messageboards, which has helped. It is daunting to think that I have to start all over again from the beginning. We may try again next month, in April, or perhaps in May. It is hard to think about right now. I wanted THIS baby, not some other baby. I wish I could have it back somehow.
Thanks for listening. I just thought that I'd let you all know of my situation. I wish you the best of luck in your WTT journeys, and I hope that none of you ever have to go through what I did (although I know that some of you already have, and my heart goes out to you).
Aisha, mom to Ammarah (3) and ~i~ (3/5/04 at 18 weeks)