So Frustrated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
So Frustrated!
7
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 12:36pm
I'm 30, my husband is 31. We have been married for five years (nearly six) and I don't think it's EVER going to be "the right time" for us to have children! Where we live, it's very expensive and good apartments are hard to come by - houses don't exist but hey, you can buy an apt for $250,000 - it'll just be small and miserable(an equvilent to the apt we currently live in would go for twice that and lemme tell you, it's nothing special). We currently live in a SMALL and EXPENSIVE one br, no way would could squeeze another living thing in here, moving up to a 2 br would be another $1000 - $1500 a month which we could afford but jeeze, it seems excessive to me.

Meanwhile, we hate it here, want to move, my husband hates his job, but nothing else is turning up even tho he is looking. He is a very small and specialized field and there is no way I could ever match or even come close to what he earns - besides that, I want to stay at home (and he agrees, always has) with any children we might ever one day possibly get around to having. And did I mention I'm not getting any younger?

We both desperatly want to move to another part of the country and OUT of the city - we are small-to-med size town people, we like a slower and more simple lifestyle, we'd like to be near family. Of course, can't move without a job, and hard to find a job 1500 miles away from where we currently live.

We are just SO READY to move ON and AWAY from here and it's not happening. We never planned to be here this long! It's just so frustrating! We wanted more than one child, but as I said I'm 30 - if I got pregnant TODAY I'd be 31 when we had our first. I almost feel like we've left it too late to get started, considering the long term implications.

I'm just so sad and so frustrated and I feel like stupid details have made all of our decisions FOR us.

I don't really have a question, I just wanted to rant and whine. Lovely way to introduce myself to the board, don't you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 3:37pm
Hi!

I'll introduce myself to the board by responding to part of your post...

I'll be 30 next month, my DH is 32. Circumstances are such that we've agreed we won't start ttc until early 2005. (I'm just a couple of months into a great new job, I'd like to do it from home and think I will be able to by that time) Which means I won't be 32 until our first is born and we would like to have two. I feel a little bit of the time crunch you elude to, but I wouldn't worry if I were you. We're young by today's standards - women are starting families older and having children later. I do agree with the old saying "if you wait until you're ready for children, you'll never have them", but you will eventually get a place where you can say "it's time"!

Hang in there and Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 4:41pm
Welcome to the board! I'm sorry you're so frustrated. I can't believe the prices for apartments--I don't we'll ever be neighbors at that rate, LOL! (You'll have to move first!) All I can really tell you is that 30--or 31--is no longer "old" in terms of baby making. Women are regularly having babies well into their 40s so my vote is that you have plenty of time.

You're in the right place to vent those frustrations. We're all ears whenever you want to rant. It's great having you here!

Sarah, WTT #4 5/05

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 5:29pm
Thanks guys!

And not being a local myself, the apt prices are SHOCKING to me. We just priced a fairly large home in the area we'd like to move TO and the note would be significantly less than our rent. How sick is that?

I know people regularly wait till their late 30s and 40s, but nearly everyone I know who has waited that long has had some kind of fertility issues. And most of my friends my age already have kids and think we're just nuts for waiting. As if we WANT to wait.

Most of the time I am fairly rational and realize that waiting a little longer is the right thing to do...but then I'll have a day like to day where I just want to sit and cry because it seems so "unfair" - which is just childish of me, and I know it.

A BIG part of the frustration is that we just hate where we are, but seem unable to move to another part of the country.

Gosh, could I complain just a LITTLE more?

Thanks again for listening!

Avatar for rincewynd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 11:32pm
Um, just wondering what part of the country you live in so's I can make sure not to move there after I graduate from college. lol. Really, with such extreme housing rates it would be nice to know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 4:35pm
NYC. It's unREAL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 7:47pm
FEAR NOT, my friend. I am 29 going on 30 and DH is 30 going on 31 and we are TTC in January 2004. NO RUSH. Don't feel you have to rush into things.

Yes yes, NO ONE is ever ready to have kids. My DH was very unwilling at first but he finally realized that there is no good time and you just have to do it.

31/32 is NOT OLD at all!! In fact, it was comforting to know that when I went to my preconception appt with my obgyn 2 weeks ago, I actually asked her the same question!!! She smiled at me and said "Gosh, you are a spring chicken! You are not too old to have kids." I also asked her about fertility issues and she said you don't have to worry till you are over 35.

also, if it makes you feel better... I have 2 aunts who had kids at 36 and 37 respectively. They couldn't have kids at a younger age... the one who was 37 had tried for 10 years!!! they adopted the first one and she finally had her second one after she gave up on trying... Anything is possible!

Feel free to rant and rave anytime! That's what this board is for...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 7:43am
I'm sure your stomach is in knots. The market is so tight right now. Things just aren't happening. Hopefully, the economy will start to improve soon and you'll be able to make your move. We're going through economic difficutly with selling a condo right now. I'll be so glad when things improve.

Keep your chin up and keep trying. You never know when your opportunity may come.

Sam

PS - Stick around here there are wonderful ladies with tremendous support!