So, when are you two going to have kids?

Avatar for stephaniekandel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
So, when are you two going to have kids?
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 7:11pm

Last week, my husband's good friend came to visit us with their 2 kids ages 7 and 4. Both my husband and is friend are 34. His friend got married at 25 while my husband got married at 32. His wife, a very lovely woman, asked me (not even a half an hour into their visit) "So, when are you two thinking about having kids?" I was really shocked because I don't know this woman so well (seen her 2 times in 2 years). My response was, "We just bought a house, I'm very happy in my career. Probably not for another 2 years."

I am very surprised that someone would ask a question like this. How did she know that we weren't trying? Or, I had miscarried? Or, we were infertile.

How was my answer? I didn't want to make her feel bad - she probably was genuinely curious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 12:28pm
Good answer.

We've been married for 4 years now and we recently decided to TTC sometime early next year. It is important to have a good career, house, at least decently stable finances before you TTC. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me because no one will ever have these things, especially the financial part. I don't think anyone is every financially ready to have a child.

You need time with your DH, travel (if you like to) and develop a good strong marital relationship before you think about TTC. Having a child is a HUGE responsibility.

I, too, got married when I was 25. DH and I were friends for 5 years before that. We still feel we are still growing in our relationship!

Take your time. Don't feel rushed. Be ready when you are ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 12:33pm
The question, "So, when are you two thinking about having kids" is mostly converstional. Since we live in a pronatalist society, almost everyone assumes that if you are married, children are a usually the next "step" in life.

Try being married for ten years (hubby and I) and have the same relatives ask that very same question each holiday! It gets tiring! I always give the same answer, "We are childfree by choice. We don't want children, so we aren't having them."

Your answer was just fine.