Spent the weekend with two mommies-to-be

Avatar for brenmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Spent the weekend with two mommies-to-be
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 11:07pm
DH and I went down for a relaxing weekend at the lake, and spent Saturday with one 6 mo. pregnant friend, and found out our other close friend is 6 weeks pregnant.

I had really mixed emotions. Of course, I was so happy for them. Then, it was difficult to swallow also. :-( Latest daddy-to-be is one of DH's best friends, so I'm hoping his experience will ease the anxiety and downright cold fear that DH is experiencing.

Interesting, though, both women who are now pregnant voiced that their husbands were very hesitant, and they wanted this for a longer time. I guess our situation is more common than I thought, and that is comforting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 8:00am
Sometimes friends can be encouraging and comforting. I know where your coming from though. Last year it seemed like everyone was pg at once and I couldn't even get DH to give me a yea or nea for #2.

With our first, I just announced "I'm going off the pill!" PERIOD!! Then I left it up to him. Sure enough the next month and a bottle of wine later. Boom... I was pg!

Anyway, you just never know. This time I wanted to go off the patch, but chickened out. I'm waiting until April. We just don't have the will power ;-)


Avatar for jlynna12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 8:47am
I know how it is to hang out with friends who are pg and those mixed feelings! It's hard to feel excitement and happiness when we're struggling with so many feelings. But, we do because they're our friends :-D And, hopefully this WILL help your DH and his mixed feelings!!!


Jlynn, Momma to Asher and Ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 4:49pm
I think that situation is extremely common! It seems to happen to just about everyone I know to some degree! Even my entirely TOO cooperative DH probably wouldn't take the initiative to suggest a baby himself--it takes me to say it's time (or so I expect). I feel pretty safe in saying that you aren't alone! (((Hugs)))

Sarah, WTT #4 5/05


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 8:20pm
Most DHs are hesistant. Mine is. All the time. They are scared, nervous, wishy washy, fickle, etc. I think it is their nature. I have maybe come across 2 out of 10 male friends that I know that are actually ready or say "when are we having kids?"

You are not the only one. In fact, I felt very comforted reading through messages that come through on this board that a lot of women out there are dealing with the same issues.

My neighbors just had a child and my DH sometimes talk to them. I bet they talked about fatherhood and it made my DH realize that it might not be so bad after all. DH Is probably thinking "gee, if he can do it, why can't I?

Be patient. He'll come around. Hopefully sooner than later. I think mine finally came around and he is more used to the idea. I told him that I am going to start taking prenatal vitamins and he didn't really say anything. We have to get them ready, get them rolling... sometimes, we might need to say "ok, I am getting off the pill!!!"

Avatar for ntaylor908
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-07-2003 - 9:26pm
I agree. I really thought my DH would be harder to convince. I figured I would have to start early, so even before I felt really ready, I started bringing it up. He's not big on words, so he would basically tell me he wasn't ready. A few months later, my 13 month old nephew came for the weekend, and as crazy as it was, after they left I mentioned it to him again, and he said he felt like he was ready! When I mentioned August as a TTC date, he was agreeable!! I was floored!

So here we are, about a month away, about to finish my (maybe) last pack of pills, and I'm freaking out. He seems very calm and sure about it. I'm just worried that I'm feeling pressured into it because all of my friends are pg and some are having their babies now, and maybe I feel like I need to belong somehow. Then I think, no, that's crazy, because I REALLY do want one--not just because everyone else has one. Does anyone else have these crazy thoughts?

Nicki, WTT #1 August 2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 7:47pm

No, you are NOT crazy. I have the same feelings too. Actually about half of my college friends have kids and I feel like I am ready to be a mom. My maternal instincts are kicking in. It's not like I want a kid because every else has one. It's the joy of having a family and the joy of being a mother.

"Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed;

for in the image of God has God made man. As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it."

- Genesis 9:6-7

(Maybe I won't say this once I have to get up every 2 hours to change poopy diapers!)

Avatar for ntaylor908
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 11:06pm
Thanks for the reminder! I'm glad I"m not alone. I've definitely got those maternal instincts kicking in!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 6:27am
Hi there all, i'm reading your messages and feeling like I could have written most of them !, so i thought I'd join in.

I married my DH two months ago and we had agreed to wait a year before TTC, but I've been a bit overwhelmed with maternal instincts ever since I moved into his flat. I can't stop thinking about babies ! I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon, but I cannot think of a good reason to wait - we've got enough space, we've got enough money, i'm 28, healthy, fit, strong and at a good place in my career for going part time for a few years.

DH wants a bit of time for us to bond, but we've been together for four years and i can't imagine being stronger than we currently are. I'm struggling with wanting to persuade him but not wanting to pressure him into a child.

Anyway, i'm really glad to have stumbled onto this message board and similarly minded people. All of my friends have got young children and i'm beginning to find it difficult to visit them without welling up.