Thank you so much

Avatar for queenie620
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thank you so much
2
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 11:06pm
for all of your advice ladies. You brought up some really good points, and also made me think about some things. DH and I haven't even hinted to MIL and FIL that we're thinking of starting a family. I think it really bothered me that they assumed that we were not. I'm scared to tell them. I'm afraid that I won't want to hear what they have to say about it. I guess I was planning on waiting until we're actually pregnant before we tell them anything. DH and I don't have a very close relationship with MIL and FIL. If I told you exactly why it would become a very long story. It's a long story that all began when MIL was very angry with us for moving out and living together before we were married (she is VERY religious). I think I may have some pent up anger about the way she made me feel when she was so against what we were doing, and we've had some other bumps along the way. We were told we were not allowed to get married in her church for that reason, yet SIL got married in that same church when she was pregnant! There are all kinds of little things they have said and done that have made me feel like I can never be close to them. Sometimes MIL can be really sweet, and then she'll turn around a make a comment that is really offensive and judgemental... I guess this is probably for the in-law board, but they have already heard all of this. My SIL is a very evil person who is jealous and spiteful of me, and the fact that MIL and FIL are blind to it just exacerbates the problems I have with them.

I think I got a little off track there, but what do I do if I don't really want MIL and FIL to know we are going to TTC? I feel like if they really wanted more grandkids they would have already asked when they are going to get some. I don't expect them to be thrilled to find out we want to have a baby soon. I think if they would be, they would constantly be asking if and when.

So, to answer your question, no, we haven't told them about starting a family. And I don't know that we ever will.

queenie

Avatar for natbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 10:28am
Queenie~

I think it is perfectly fine to keep the news that you'll soon be ttc from your in-laws, especially in light of the problems with the relationship. In-law relationships are always very hard, and I've heard a lot of stories like yours. I'm so sorry that there are such hurt feelings there. Maybe someday you will all be able to find common ground and either forgive and forget or talk out some of the probllems you've had in the past.

I will say though that it's possible they would be thrilled by more grandchildren. No one in our families has really asked us when we'll be ttc, even though I'm 27 and dh i s 31. In fact, the first and only time it even came up was this past weekend when everyone noticed I wasn't drinking and kept asking me if I was pg (I wish!). They may feel like you'll have a baby when you're ready, or maybe you're right and they haven't thought about it or brought it up because they don't think you're ready. Either way, only you and dh can know when you're ready and that's the only important thing. I'm sure yr in-laws will have a very hard time resisting your beautiful baby when the time comes!

HTH!

Natalie ttc#1 c1 5dpo

Avatar for jengill43
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 1:23pm
Queenie, if you don't want to tell them, then definitely don't.

DH & I have told no one -- no one -- in our *real* lives of our plans/dates to TTC. You ladies on the board are my only sounding board really. My MIL wants us to have a grandchild -- she is ALWAYS hinting -- but I just don't want people to know that we're trying in case a situation arises in which we're unable to conceive -- I just don't think I could bear people asking/knowing that. So I don't plan to tell people until we are pg.

Again, you & DH have to live your life, and you've got a plan that is well-thought-out and right FOR YOU.

Sorry to hear about your MIL's double standard about the church & wedding too -- I can imagine that that certainly was hard to deal with.

Jen