What's TOO big of an age gap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
What's TOO big of an age gap?
11
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 1:30pm

Hi - I'm mainly a lurker here, but I've been wrestling with a question that I'm hoping you ladies can share your opinions on ...


My name is Neal and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 11:59am

I"m only WTT my 2nd child (and aiming for that 22 month gap), but I can speak from experience as a child growing up with big age gaps between siblings. I am the oldest of 5 widely spaced kids: I'm 31, then my siblings are 28, 21, 18, and 11 (all the same parents). I can honestly say that, though I think age gaps are a big factor, personality is more important. I probably been closest overallto my brother out of all my siblings and he is 10 years younger than me!

My sister, who is the closest agewise, and I got along ok, but weren't very close, and actually had a lot of problems with our relationship as young adults. I attribute this too us having very different personalities and also being 4 years apart schoolwise-I went away for college and graduated and came home and then she went away to college-which was , apart from summers, 8 years to grow apart. Things are better now that we both have kids, but we had issues up until then.

As for my younger siblings-we get along great--I did play almost a parental role to them (and sort of resented the role of "built in babysitter at times), but I was 10 + years older, and it really has been really easy for our relationships to evolve now that they are becoming adults.

Anyway, the shortened form of my longwinded answer is that yes, I think a large age gap can affect sibling relationships, but ultimately, especially as they get older, it's how their personalities mesh that really determines how they get along. (Just don't tell my DH I said this or he'll want to wait longer! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:30pm

Hi! I have to agree with the pp. My brother and I are 10 months apart in age and my sister is 4.5 years younger than me. Growing up we were all best friends, however, when my sister and I were teenagers we fought like cats and dogs. Now that we are all adults, we are close but I have to say I talk to my sister more than my brother now.

I think it just depends on the siblings, their personality, family dynamics and stage of life.

Best of luck, with your decision.
Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 1:56pm

Hi Neal! Welcome to the board!

I second what others have said: I think it depends a lot on the children's personalities as well as personal family choices. Some parents prefer to have a 4-year gap between their kids, others will go for 2 or 3.

As for me, I only played with my sibling who is 2 years older than me, because my oldest sibling was not into the same games anymore as she was 4 years older. Now, my two siblings mostly hang out together and I'm not really close to either one as our personalities have grown in different directions.

I wish you luck on your important decision!

Victoria


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Avatar for thesunshinekid
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2001
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 5:28pm

Hi Neal!

Jules - Happily married and Momma to DS, DD and expecting our Caboose Baby 11/24/2012


Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 8:41pm

I don't currently have children yet, but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 8:44am

Thanks everyone for the great feedback! .... I guess you all are right - the personality of the child is more important than the age difference in the long run.


I guess I was trying to think about it from the perspective of a parent as well ... For example - right now, both my kids like the same types of movies - which makes it easy for us to do a "family movie night" ... or they both like to go to the playground, so it's easy to go there as a family outing .... But we sometimes "babysit" my nephews who are 9 and 12 (they spend the night with us when their parents want a "date night") - and I struggle to find things that we call

SiggyJuly2010.jpg Siggy July 2010 picture by nrnotes


Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:12am

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 3:46pm

I am in a similiar situation. We are also WTT for #3. Our first 2 are also close together; they are 27 months apart. Our youngest is 14 months now, so it's just starting to get a little easier, but the first year was TOUGH, and we vow not to have #3 so close to #2.


We don't want them too far apart though. We are already in baby/toddler/preschooler mode, and we really don't want to go back to that once we are out of it, LOL! So better sooner than later, IMO.


We plan to start TTC next spring,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 1:02am

I agree that it depends on their personalities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 3:59pm

Thanks! ... I think that's the kind of stuff I was getting at.

SiggyJuly2010.jpg Siggy July 2010 picture by nrnotes


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