I'm a step mom .....help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
I'm a step mom .....help
4
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 10:47am

I have been married for 3 years, second marriage. My first husband died of cancer.  I have 4 boys.  My second marriage, I married a man with 3 girls. Mine are older and moved out. His oldest is in college with 2 still at home.  The girls go to our hometown school.  Their mother made the choice to move to a town about 25 minutes away.  When they are with her, they make this drive everyday to our town for school, which is every other week for a week. I also work at the high school in our town. The week they are with us, we do all the running here and there, sports, school, etc. when they are at their moms, a lot of the time we do it also because the mom lives where she does. since I work in the school, it's expected of me to take home kids after school when we have them.  My question....the youngest will be starting high school (where I work) next year. the 17 yo will be graduating (that's who drives them to school and back when in other town).  When the youngest starts HS, the ex has no way of getting her from school everyday, (she also is remarried) and I KNOW they are going to want me to do this, I feel used. I do not get along with ex very well. I feel as though she expects this from my husband.  I am upset that she chose to live in the town she does without a thought to these problems now. I know she is thinking that we or I can do this everyday. when we have her now, I am ok with it, it helps my hubby out and it's his daughter. she never asks, always assumes.  my husband says he agrees and we shouldn't always have to be the ones to do this and he said he was going to tell the ex no for next year, that it's her responsibility also.  Whelp, this morning talking to husband, he said, he will pick her up from school next year. He's not getting my point, this woman hates me, but I'm good enough to do her running.  Help me out here, I know it's his child, but i feel used. Feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 12:01pm

I don't understand how you feel used when your DH has agreed to do the transportation so you won't be doing anything.  Is there some reason that the bio mom can't pick up her DD from school?  Like does she have a job where she can't get off from work?  I think it would be a pretty normal expectation that since you are already at the same school you could drive the kids home.  I don't see that anyone wants to "use" you--but if you don't want to do it, you can just say no and leave the parents to figure out different things.  My DSD lived w/ us all the time since my 2nd DH was a widower so if I was available to drive her somewhere and her dad was at work, I would drive her.  Another time, he was not working & my DD needed physical therapy and he drove her there--it's just the things you do to help out when you're in a 2nd marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 12:40pm
I know, but when we make plans on the weeks they are gone and no one tells us that we need to take here or there, it's just kinda sprung on us
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-02-2013 - 3:45pm

Then you can say no--sorry, you didn't ask us & we made plans, so we will be unable to drive you.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 10-04-2013 - 4:02pm
It sounds like the bio mom is going to want her to take the kids from the school where they are all the way to the other town to drop the kids at the bio mom's house. And I can understand why you wouldn't want to do this. Taking the kids home to your house each day is one thing, you are already going there, but to have to drive them to another town each day, that's a completely different story. I think you may need to get the dialogue going now with your husband about much of a burden its going to end up being, the amount of time on the road, etc. added to each day. If the girls want to continue custody arrangements this way, that's their choice, but THEY need to figure out transportation arrangements for it, not expect you to pick up the slack.
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