Just need encouragement
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|Wed, 06-05-2013 - 1:19pm|
Hello, I'm not sure if this ist the right place to post this, but I couldn't find a category that really fit my subject. If you know of a better place for me to post it, please let me know.
Anyway, I'm just really needing some encouragement.
My story started in April of 2012, when my then husband came to me out of the blue and said he wanted a divorce. He moved out and never came back. I was shattered. I tried for two months to convince him to come back, suggesting marriage counseling, and he refused. So after two months of trying to convince him and praying hard, I finally gave up and moved on. Our children (ages 7 and 9) and me moved out into a more affordable home, and we got temporary orders naming me as the primary parent and him with visitation rights. Over the months we tried to work out a settlement and even tried mediation with no luck. We couldn't agree because he wanted 50/50 custody in the beginning and I said no way because I have always been the primary caretaker of our children as a stay at home mom.
Four months after he left, I reconnected with a friend from high school and had no idea this would happen, but we fell in love and planned to get married after the divorce was finalized. But he lives 5 hours away, which would mean I would have to take our kids away from their dad. And of course he wasn't going to agree to that. To make a long story short, in the end he actually agreed to move to the city where my fiance lives so that I could get married and he could be close to our kids. Sounds like a great solution, but in order for him to agree to do this, he put in a term that says he has one year to get a job and relocate to the other city, and during that time, the kids stay with him and I get weekend visitation. I agreed to this after much consideration and prayer, and feel like it's better than the alternative of going to court and dragging each other through the mud to try to fight to move my kids with me, especially when there's a chance the judge could order that they need to stay where they are.
So my question is, am I a bad mother to sacrifice time with my children to marry the man I love? My thought has been that it will only be a year, I will have regular visitations with my children, and even aside from my visitation, I plan on coming up for extended visits as much as I can. And I'm thinking my kids' dad may realize he can't handle being a full time parent and suggest that the kids go ahead and move in with me sooner.
I was feeling mostly ok about it, with some worry and stress over the situation obviously, but mostly ok, trusting that God would take care of my children and me, and that although the situation is not ideal, that we would get through it and eventually my kids would be living with me again. But then I went to a friend of mine's house and told her the details and although she didn't come out and say it, she seemed very judgemental, and commented that she couldn't be away from her kids that long and asking me all these questions. I could have just read her wrong, but nevertheless I felt like crap when I left.
Is it ok for me to just make the best of the situation and focus on the positives? Will my kids be ok, or will they feel like I abandoned them? Am I just being judged by someone who has no idea what it's like to be in my shoes? Am I a bad mother?