New blended family

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
New blended family
4
Tue, 07-09-2013 - 6:50pm

Hi. I am Maria. Just introducing myself. I have been with my husband for 8 years, known his kids for about 7. The boys, ages 14 and 16, have just moved in with us. There were problems at school and possibly at home, and we are delighted they are living with us.  I hope we made the right decision in allowing them to come... many articles out there discouraging letting kids change where they live.  The older child initiated this, and had wanted to move for months. It was not a spur of the moment decision, and we think he is mature enough and has good reasons to want to move.  The younger boy has not said a whole lot, but seems happy and content. I am brand new to being a full-time parent, and I just want to help these boys become the best men they can. Their grades are not so great, but we are hoping the change in environment and reinforcements will help with that.  We are pretty strict disciplinary-wise, but also allow freedoms and mutual respect is important in our home.  We require chores of them, and they comply without complaining... SO far SO good! but I am sure I will need your help in this transition.  Thanks in advance.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 7:00pm

Hi Maria, I see you are not new to iVillage, but welcome!

I am not a regular on this board, but just surfing around and your post caught my eye.  Good luck and I hope you keep posting.

Serenity CL - Making a Second Marriage Work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 3:26pm

I think for teenage boys it might be especially good to live with their father to have that good male role model.  I think if they were positive about the move and initiated it, knowing that dad was stricter than mom, they will be more willing to go with the program at your house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 07-10-2013 - 10:52pm

Arryl,

Yes, they did.  We have a parenting plan that outlines where they will be for how long for the holidays each year.  I try to stay out of the decision-making process, because it really is not my call... the parents have to decide what is best for the kids.  I am very happy they are with us, and I am pretty sure the parents made the right call.  The boys have missed out on a lot of time with their dad, over 3 deployments... and they seem to crave that male influence.  I have read that moving at this stage is not always the right thing for the kids, but I am sure hoping this works out for them.  I feel terrible for their mom, because I am sure she is hurting. But the boys have wanted this for several months now and seem to be content with their decision... I try to be supportive and not influence the situation too much... love them to pieces though!!! Thanks!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 07-10-2013 - 12:00pm

Welcome to the board!  Did the boys have a relatively structured visitation schedule with you and DH before they moved in full time?  Good luck with the transition and living arrangements, I hope it works out for the best for everyone involved!

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