Pregnant and not excited..been there/done that

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Pregnant and not excited..been there/done that
3
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 11:42am

My husband and I are both divorced and each have 2 kids from our previous marriage. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and make our family complete, but now that I'm 8 weeks pregnant I can't seem to get excited. A couple friend of ours is also pregnant, only a few weeks ahead of us. He was talking to the guy the other day at work(it's his first, though his wife has a child from a previous relationship) he was telling him what to expect and how cool it is as you start to be able to feel the baby move, etc. It bummed me out BIG time because there is zero excitement, nothing new about this pregnancy. He's very supportive of me and wants to be at all the appts, etc. But it just doesn't feel exciting to me. My ex was a total douche and never went to any appts with me, didn't act excited either time and I was always to jealous of the women who's husbands were there for everything but now that I got that it's just not as exciting because it's not new for him. He knows exactly what to expect. It's just another thing to add to the list of things that aren't "new" for us....We didn't get to share the experience of buying our first home together, we didn't get to experience the first child together, we didn't get to experience a first wedding together. Everything is second hand and I know it comes with the territory but maybe it's because I'm pregnant and hormones are CRAZY but I'm becoming more and more depressed about it. I just want ONE thing to be new and ours! He keeps telling me it is new for him because I'm the love of his life, blah blah, but I just feel like it's just words. It's gotten to the point I don't even want to talk about the baby anymore. I'm excited about it, don't get me wrong, this  baby is very much wanted. It's just what's the point in discussing every new symptom or new thing when it's already been experienced before? Maybe i'm just being a total crazy lady, but surely someone else feel "jipped' when it came to being pregnant when you're with someone who already had kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 1:22pm
Both DH and myself both had kids but experiencing our first together was totally different. Maybe it is the hormones. I know I went back and forth during my pregnancy wondering if we had made the right choice, etc. I looked at it as a chance to experience a pregnancy together. My ex was not supportive during my first two pregnancies, so having someone there for me was totally different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 12:12pm

I wonder if pregnancy hormones are not helping with your feelings as well ;)  I haven't been in this situation but totally understand what you are saying.  I sometimes think that you are to work on finding things to be excited about when it comes to the normal firsts in a relationship that you've already done before.  Even though this isn't either of yours first, this is your first together and will be a link to your whole blended family.  That is something to be excited about!  I think you'll probably get more excited the further along you become, it's hard in the early stages to feel it.  Are you going to start fresh when it comes to baby gear?  That might help get some excitement going, not sure how old your other kids are but getting them involved could also help.  At least since he is experienced he'll be a better labor coach for you and won't be as timid when it comes to handling a newborn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 10:45pm

Yes you are having the crazy pregnant hormones (at least i hope so)--of course this is new--it's your first baby w/ your current DH!  Even though both of you had kids before, you never had one together.  I was married twice (we were older so didn't even consider having a baby together) but I guess I never had the thought of everything we were doing was 2nd.  My 2nd DH was more like that, like if we went somewhere together that I had already been before w/ my 1st DH, I was careful to book a different hotel or not to mention too much that I had gone there w/ my ex, but it never bothered me that he had gone places or done things w/ his 1st DW--mayhbe since she died, there was no jealousy ofher since she wasn't around, I don't know.  And your 2nd DH really doesn't know what to expect about the pregnancy w/ you since he never had a baby w/ you before.  Oh & did you feel like this w/ your 2nd child (the one from your 1st marriage), like we shouldn't be excited that we're having a 2nd baby, cause we already have one, so this is old news?  Somehow I doubt it.