About to be a Grandma... (Nona)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2012
About to be a Grandma... (Nona)
4
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 6:47pm
I'm Lucy, and my 21yo DD is about to bless me with a little boy in less then 2 weeks. I just turned 39. Yes, I was a young Mom myself, younger than her. She lives with me as does her 19yo boyfriend. I honestly don't expect the boyfriend to stick around as his maturity level is lacking. They argue a little too much for my taste as well. Add a baby to the mix and I don't see it lasting. I know how tough it is to be a single mother as I was a young single mother and I am currently a single mother now after a 15 year marriage. But I know it's possible to raise healthy, happy children. But with that being said... I have NO clue how to be a grandparent, yet alone, how to be one in the same household. I am afraid of being to overdomineering, as my daughter although 21, she still depends so much on me to do so much for her. How do I get her to realize she is responsible 100% for her son? I plan on helping her to some degree, but I'm not the baby's mom either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2001
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 7:09pm

I can honestly say, being a Granny is WAY more fun and so much easier than being a parent. I love being a Grandma! You don't have to know how..it comes naturally. Relish each moment because it seems the grandbabies grow up faster than your children. Congratulations by the way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 2:33pm
Congratulations on becoming a grandma!

I think it's time that your daughter starts taking care of herself. I know it's hard when they are living with you, but the duties of this baby shouldn't fall on your shoulders. It will be nice for her to have your help, but you should let her make all the decisions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. Parenting has changed somewhat, so it might help if you brush up on some of the current standards with regards to cribs, sleeping, etc. I'm sure you'll have lots of good tips to share with her, but let her choose if she wants to listen or not. She might end up reinventing the wheel, but that's how she'll learn. Just keep biting your tongue and wait for her to ask for your help!

If you don't think she's pulling her weight, than you need to tell her. While it's fine for you to help out more in the beginning while she's healing, be clear that it's temporary and give her your expectations before the baby is even here. She should be doing her own laundry, cleaning up after herself, getting up with the baby at night, all those things that make you a mom. It might take baby steps (pardon the pun) for both of you in the beginning, but if you can show each other respect than it should be a great experience for you both.

I can't wait for an update, babies are so exciting!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 12:30pm

Nona, you are among many who face these challenges.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 7:38pm
Congratulations, Nona! How exciting to be a grandma so young.

You are faced with a difficult situation by having your DD live with you. My DD & SIL were much older when DGS was born 5 yrs ago (DD is 32) but he & DD lived with us a lot over a 3 yr period as she worked close to our house (45 mins from her home) and my DH was the babysitter. From my lessons learned, you need to step away & let her parent. Learn to take long walks if you need to because you will want to just step in & take over. It's likely she will want to let you do this. There were times when DD was so tired, she just went to bed without telling anyone assuming that I would take care of DGS.

There was a time when I just let her do this & it wasn't good. DGS is not my child & I needed to let his parents handling the parenting. Also, pick your battles like you did when your DD was a teen. If it's just a difference in parenting styles say nothing. If there is possible harm being done, then explain in a calm manner when everyone is relaxed.

We don't have DGS execpt for the school breaks now but I cherish those times he lived with us as the bond between us is strong. I just know it was hard for everyone & I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't his parent. I don't agree with some of the parenting approaches my DD & SIL use but they aren't harmful so it's none of my business. I have spoken up when I see that there is something I feel is really wrong.

Good luck & remember, enjoy!!!! Dee