on being a stepgrandparent

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
on being a stepgrandparent
5
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 11:22pm

I remarried last year to a man with an almost 4 year old grandson.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 3:24pm
That's a tough situation to be in. I don't blame you at all for feeling resentful, I think she is taking advantage of you and I can see why your husband is worried about complaining. Is it possible for you to find quiet time on Friday evenings when you just want to relax? Can you just spend the night in your room or another area of the house? Maybe he can take him out for dinner or some other activity so you can have some peace. Sometimes you need to just give it some time, and find a way that you still get what you want. If you are resentful of his coming, than I'm sure that doesn't make it easier for you to enjoy his time at your house. If you can find a happy medium, might make you feel better about the situation. I bet as he gets older you'll enjoy him more when he's not so dependent on you both.

My boys call the step-grandparents grandma and grandpa. They have asked questions about it as they've gotten older, but it hasn't been an issue.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 8:02pm
I think you are in a very difficult position. You haven't bonded with this child but your DH has & you shouldn't take away from this. I think you need to accept he is going to be there because this makes your DH happy. Think about your DH's feelings in this. Not that the mother is using you. Maybe do as you did with the sleeping in. Tell your DH that you need your time & arrange things with your DDs.

I have a 4 yr DGS & I also work full time normally putting in 60 to 70 hrs Mon to Fri. I adore my DGS & it doesn't matter how tired I am, seeing his happy face makes my day. Until he started school in Sept, he lived with us 5 or 6 days a week because my DD worked close out our home which is about an hr from her home. She also works shifts so daycare was difficult for them. She lived with us too. My DH babysat from the time DGS was 15 mths until he was 4 1/2. I would start work at 6 am, finish in time for dinner at 6 then spend the evening with my DGS until bedtime between at 8. Then I would work at least an hr after. It wasn't a hardship for me. Yes, there were times I was tired. I'm no saint & so there were times when I would have to say, time out for me. But since he started school, I miss him so much plus truthfully, I'm not as productive as I was because it doesn't matter if I finish in time for dinner now.

Every person is different. I raised 3 kids, have worked with kids, created & ran my own summer day camp and I'm only a fan of those kids related to me by blood. I can interact with other people's kids but I'm not all that comfortable with them & can take them or leave them.

My final comment is that you may not understand the fear that your DH feels until you become a grandparent. I know my DD loves us but I'm very careful never to step out of my place around my SIL because I don't want to take the change on his denying me access to my DGS.

fyi, my kids called my stepdad "steppie"

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Mon, 02-27-2012 - 11:32am

My DH has had the same sentiments about my DIL at times that you have. DS was in the military and they had separated. If the kids weren't at our house on weekends, they were with DIL's parents or one of our other kids. DH felt like DIL was taking advantage of us. I valued my time with my GKs and didn't let the reasons they were

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 7:52am

That could be part of the problem...I don't love dh's kids as my own nor does he mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2001
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 11:30pm

Wish I could add some sage advice, but sadly my dh's daughter probably won't be able to have children. We keep hoping though. I would love to have another grandchild and I don't believe the "step" part will be an issue. Of course one never knows do they.

I do hope your situation improves.