Big blowout over something minor

Avatar for coellis
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Big blowout over something minor
9
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 4:48pm

Well, minor to me anyway...not to gs. I almost had to start packing!
This is how it all started: Wed. eve. is garbage night. I was home alone. It is generally his job to do the garbage but I help out by gathering all the little trash in each room and just setting it by the doorway to the garage where the trash cans are. And then he takes it all to the curb. But only when he's good & ready to.

Thus the problem. He waits til really late to do this and I can't stand this! I want it taken care of fairly early so the big garage door can be shut and I don't have to worry about going to sleep w/the house wide open like that. Gs tends to forget things and I know this from having raised him all these yrs!!!

So when he got home from the ferry commute, I told him that I had gone into "their" rm to check the waste basket. It was not full so I walked right back out. "you went into my rm when I wasn't there?" Well, yes says I...how else would I have known your basket didn't need emptying? And then a full scale arguement escalated from there about me not respecting his privacy and ended up w/him giving me 30 days notice. Wife and baby were not home yet but she was on her way. She doesn't say anything about it to me when she walks in but she already knows (cell ph)They then proceed to go into the office and look for rentals online.

I'm still fuming about the way he reacted to my "helpful actions" haha, but then start thinking, well I'm gonna need a place to move to also so I went on MY computer to see what was available. OMG! The prices are waay out there! How can this young family even consider this? So, knowing that, I stopped looking and waited for my apology. It never came. Went to bed. Oh yeah, and it was ME who took out the garbage that night.

It's usually me who takes T to the ferry in the morning, but not that following morn. When wife & baby return I ask her if I should really give my sis a 30-day notice? I had also told T that I didn't think it was fair to my sis since I had already told her that we would be moving in one yr from now so they could start planning what to do w/this house. They are getting ready to go back to AZ in Oct. and this could become a major problem for them. But of course, that wasn't T's worry. He has his pride to think about.

So how did this end? I'm not sure but wife told me that even tho she didn't want to move twice (meaning now and again when they know what college accepts him)...that she backs him 100% in whatever he wants to do. I'm pretty sure she has talked him into his senses but he still hasn't retracted his notice to me and that means I'm going to have to ask him sooner or later. He's talking to me like nothing had even happened but wife told me that he wants to talk to me when nobody is mad. I'm not waiting past this weekend cuz sis w/be heading back to DC come Monday. (her job)

Dang it, I let my tea get cold!!!!! C :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 9:33pm

Whoa there girl back up a bit. I know getting up at 5AM has my brain fried by now but what did I miss?

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Avatar for gemini42
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 9:18am

Okay, now don't get mad at me, but I think you should leave "their room" as off limits.

Fran

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Registered: 09-06-2009
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 4:02pm

It is generally his job to do the garbage but I help out by gathering all the little trash in each room and just setting it by the doorway to the garage where the trash cans are.



Fran, this is where I get confused because Colleen is saying she gathers all the little trash in each room. Sounds like she's always done that & all of a sudden it was a problem. This doesn't make sense & she better get back here & tell us whats going on.



Anyway, I wouldn't empty the baskets in his (their rm) or the babies rm. if it smells or overflows like she said its their problem thats what his wife should be doing. If its the only room they consider private then they should have let Colleen know this way back when gdil 1st. moved in.



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Avatar for coellis
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 5:56pm

Ok, we now have much more to add to this story. Yesterday was the day that T approached me to talk. First of all he wanted to know if I still wanted him (them) here. Yes. Ok. Since he pays half of everything now, he wants more respect. He wants the main bathroom to be "their" bathrm since I have my own. Uh, what about all the times he goes into MY bathroom. Which I don't care about. He says he'll stay out...no biggie. He was mad b-cuz I told him he didn't have his own bath as that was the house's "main" bathrm. When company comes, that's where they all go. So now he wants it so that My company go into my bedroom bath and THEIR company go into "their" bathrm, which is the main bath as far as I'm concerned. He still disagrees but oh well-get over it kid! Nobody comes to see me anyway...who cares.

So here comes the real reason (I think)for me to stay outta his wastebasket. Seems there was a pg-test thing in there but I didn't see it. Like I said, I walked in and walked out. Their rm is always a mess and I'd just as soon stay out of there and I do.

Yup, you guessed it. She's pregnant again-due May 19th. So T asks me again, do I still want them to stay? Yes. The first thing I said was What about your career? Nothing changes there, he's still got goals. Thank God he's smart and qualifies for school grants b-cuz I dunno how they could afford to have a family and college expenses at the same time!

So yeah, he was under stress and so was I as I am trying to wean myself off of the antidepressants. Not good timing for that but how did I know??? I've been on this pill or that for nearly all my adult life and I'd really like to know just who I am, KWIM? Just tired of it all.

So there you have it. They are staying for another yr. and Sorynn w/be 14 mos old when the new baby is born....she thinks it'll be a girl. She has dreams.

Ya weren't expecting this were ya?!!!! Neither was I.
C

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 6:16pm

Holy crap who would have thought another baby? Isn't she on birth control? I know none of my business but T is working his butt off to get somewhere in life & support the family he has now. Wasn't the 1st baby unplanned also? Geesh thats just too much of a load for him. I pray he don't get sidetracked.



Bathrooms, give them the darn bathroom, it I had a bathroom in my bedroom I wouldn't care anything about who used the other bathroom. However I wouldn't want company in & out of my bedroom so i think on that one little point he could concede unless his mom happenes to be your company & then she uses your bathroom.



So what happens after the yr. is up? Will you be getting your own place? Doesn't your gdil ever talk about her dd she already has?



I know you like her Colleen but I can't help by feel she's not the wife for T. Done now & I know he would never leave his kids no matter what. I hope he doesn't have to sidetrack his goals because he's worked so hard for them.



keep us updated & I guess CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! are in order great gram.

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Avatar for gemini42
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 9:33am

Whew!

Fran

Avatar for coellis
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 1:37pm

Don't tell anyone but I'm not in total agreement for his choice of wife either. I do like her, but he could have done much better. I sometimes wonder how T's career/life is going to be affected by her type of "being"...this is hard to put into words. He is so far ahead of her in terms of uh, sophistication? She's very content just raising babies and being barefoot. But the thing is he adores her, they sing to each other, there's nothing he wouldn't do for her and they can communicate. I lacked all of that when I had both of my marriages, so who am I to pooh-pooh their relationship? He's happy.

As far as her other child....the girl is coming here for Xmas and yes she does talk about her as they communicate daily over cell phone or webcam. It does sound like the girl is a daddy's girl and it may be difficult for her to be away from him while she's up here.

And yes, I w/be getting my own place a yr from now. I don't even want to think about that right now. I have looked at a "senior" apt. complex to get on a waiting list, but there was no need. The lady said she's never had to have a waiting list which really surprised me. I figured w/all the baby boomers retiring about the same time, there would be a shortage of apts. but nope she says. She took down my name anyway and I'm not even sure I can handle apt. type living. I grew up in a duplex and didn't care for it. But the cost of housing nowadays is not conducive to my pension income. If I had a roommate, I could do it. But I really think I'd rather live alone.

Did I answer all your ?'s.....I think so. So I'm done for now.
C

 

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Registered: 09-06-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 9:12pm

Colleen there's not much that can be done about the choice of a mate & as long as he's happy....



As for the apartment I'm not sure i could live in one, what would bug me is having someone over/under me. Not being able to look out front & back windows. Things like that. rents are going crazy & i like you wouldn't want a roommate.

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Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 1:54pm

i read this earlier but every time i tried to open the page to post, i got the message IE couldnt display the page.


Kathy