How often do you see your grandchildren?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
How often do you see your grandchildren?
26
Sun, 05-19-2013 - 3:25pm

Hello,

I'm not new to ivillage but I am a new grandmother!  My oldest son and his wife had a baby girl on April 8th!  She is beautiful, healthy, just perfect!  Only thing is DIL is being difficult as to how often we should get to see the baby.  We live 1 hr. and 15 mins. from them.  I think since we live that close that a couple of times a month is not too much to expect.  We haven't seen her for two weeks now, and their plan was that we wouldn't see her again until two weeks from now, which would make it a month.  We were going to go out there today, but it didn't work out for my husband.  (They weren't crazy about the idea anyway.)  Sounds like we will go next weekend.  I suppose they might be thinking, well, they can just wait one more week.  Except, that when they come that following weekend, we are going to be really busy (nephew's grad party, FIL's 80th, birthday, I'm helping with food too) and won't have much time to spend with her.  So, I hope that they welcome us next weekend.  I don't like feeling like I'm intruding.  I just think it's asking a little too much for us to only see her once a month.  I don't know when we'll see them again after that weekend they come for the party.  They have too many blinkin' weddings.  And guess who gets to babysit when they go to the weddings???  The other grandma or DIL's sister, because they live in the same town.  They're taking the sister with them to some of the weddings that are out of town.  I don't get it.  I'm new at this, am I being unreasonable???  I just miss my grandbaby terribly!  Oh, and she told my other son's girlfriend that her mom only sees the baby like once a week, that's a bunch of bull if I ever heard it!  She also said "I have a mom, I don't need another one."  WHAT???  I'm not trying to be her mom, I am my son's mom!  I am just as much that baby's grandmother as her mom is!  I told a friend that she said this and she said she's being very immature.  WDYT?? 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 3:14pm

Congrats Grandma!  

While I agree that she's being a bit immature, I urge you to proceed with caution.  As much as you love and want to spend time with your granddaughter, you need to give them some space so they can figure out how to be parents.  Also, you should examine your behavior since she's been born.  Do you try to take over when you are there?  Do you give her a lot of tips or advice on how to take care of her?  I bet if you changed your strategy, she would be more welcoming.  Ask her what you can do to help out, does she need laundry done, grocery shopping, etc.  She's just learning how to be a mom and is probably more comfortable around her own.  You need to both learn how to adapt to these new roles.  I'm just saying this out of my own trials and errors of becoming a grandma, I hope you don't take any offense.  I made lots of mistakes, but you learn as you go (just like motherhood).  It took a few months or so with my DIL before we knew how to interact with each other, and we had a pretty good relationship before her first child was born.   You desperately want to shower your grandbaby with all your love, and they feel a bit defensive about it.  You can't change her, but you can change your approach.  

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 7:08pm

I don't try to "take over" nor do I tell DIL what to do unless she asks.  My MIL and my sister used to tell me what to do when my kids were little, so I know what it feels like, and I will try my best not to do that.  We've only been to their house twice the baby's been born.  Once for like 3 hours, and another time for about an hour.  I have tried to help with things when I've been there, but since we haven't been there much I have not had the opportunity to.  All I have asked for is to see the baby, but I guess this is too much to ask.  We'll see what happens after this weekend and after they come the following weekend.  I just don't know when I'll see her again after that, because of all their weddings!!!!   I feel like I'm missing important bonding time with my granddaughter because they have too many blinkin' weddings!!  Thanks for your response.  I will try to be patient, but as I'm trying to be patient, my grandbaby is growing and changing everyday.  I just want her to know who her grandparents are and not be afraid of us. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Tue, 06-04-2013 - 3:40pm

I'm guessing it won't take long for "the new" to wear off. They will be coming to you eventually to take care of that grandbaby and I doubt it will be to late for any bonding between the two of you. Sometimes new parents get a little wrapped up in the whole "we have a new baby" world but soon find out it's not always what they imagined.LOL Give them a little time. As far as the other Grandma, she's not always going to be available. Good luck.  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 8:29pm

My son and DIL came last weekend, and I did get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandbaby.  I didn't think I would since we had my nephew's grad party on Sat., I figured everyone else would want to hold her.  Some people did, but they were so busy visiting with one another that they didn't seem to care that much.  So, I got to hold her quite a bit even at the party.  She got fussy and grandpa took her down the basement where it was quieter (this party was in the house) and she fell asleep on his belly in the recliner!  She's starting to smile and even making noises, it's so much fun!

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