I totally forgot to mention

Avatar for coellis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I totally forgot to mention
5
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:53pm

My dd is out now. She got out 10 days earlier than was expected. My gs is still adamant about her not seeing his son. Dd did stop by but the three of them were gone at the time. She picked up what she had here and was off to my sister's and I haven't heard from her since. She left her box of movies behind so that she w/have another reason to stop by. If she calls ahead, my gs has told his wife to grab the kid and go somewhere. I hate being in the middle of this. I mean to say that dd has every right to go see her mother, but gs has asked me that if I know she's coming, I need to tell them. I suspect my dd w/do a pop-in as that's the way she was before....or else she'd call me from my driveway which is the same thing. OR she just may respect her son's wishes, I dunno. I do know she's dying to see him (Sorynn)

Oh, and btw, she looked really good-very slim and told me that she has no desire to take up drugs again. Time w/tell.

C

 

Avatar for squeakyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:25am

I get where your DGS is coming from and I so hope that your DD does follow his wishes. I know she wants to see the baby. I hope that in six months she would be willing to do a drug test and show DGS she is clean and he will let her see the baby. I know this might sound harsh but he has seen it so many times and has been so hurt by his mom that she is going to have to do a lot for him to give in. I hope you remember that this is his way of protecting his child from the hurt and pain his mother has caused him.


If she is doing the program she should be respectful of T's wishes and call first not just from the driveway.


I think it's time to sit T down and ask him how much and what it will take for his mom to show him she is clean and staying that way. I'm guessing here but if she has to do drug test when she sees her probation officer she might be able to get them to send the drug test results to T. ( not saying they will but they might)T has every right to want her to take a drug test and do it so many times and for so long before seeing the baby. Talk to him and tell him that he has to decide what it will take for his mom to prove that she is staying clean.


Then before she gets to see the baby they need to sit down and have a long talk about why he feels all this anger towards her. She needs to hear it and understand what she has put

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:52pm

Colleen I agree w/what Squaky said. Also you can't forget you & T have been a family forever & your dd came & went. You can't put her before him now because if you lose him you will lose the only real close family you have. I know you & your sis are close & all but she has a husband. T & his wife & baby are your family, if your dd can ever gain T's trust to joing that family fine but T has to come 1st.


Your dd left you hundreds of times for her friends. T & gdil will be there for you forever. Don't jeopardize that.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Avatar for coellis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 2:12am

You and Squaky (haha) both make good sense. Thank you both for your input. I still hate being in the middle tho. It sucks.

C

 

Avatar for squeakyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:49am

Hugs, You know that you deserve to be treated better by your DD too.


I have made the choice to cut ties between ODD and DGS. I hope that one day she will get her act together and they can mend what she has broken by the choices she has made. I also hope that one day my girls will mend their relationship.


One of my biggest reasons to not let ODD even come to the house is for YDD's sake. She asked my why I put up with that crap from her sister and I told her that I did it for DGS. I put up with lies, being yelled at, cursed out, and was fearful for my well being from ODD for yrs. ODD wanted to try and tell me how things would be in my own home and never want to follow any rules we set. She disrespected us all the time. She had a revolving door of guys coming to the house that she met online or over the phone from dating lines. I listened to her yelling at her child about everything. I was even told by outside medical people that they thought ODD had harmed her child before I took a stand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 9:53am
Caught my typo huh? I would hate being in the middle also I feel your pain. When we cut stepson right off from us & told him to come back when/if he ever stayed clean & sober for 1 yr. we might consider letting him back into out lives & Niks. Once he contacted us he had stayed sober for 1 yr. we told him he could visit on a trial basis but one mishap w/booze & he was gone from our lives for good this time. He goes to meetings & he seems to be doing ok. he's working on being friends w/Nik, he just never knows what to say to her, he'll have to learn. She still doesn't trust him maybe never will. her psycologist told her he's just another brother who happens to be her biological dad. he can never be her father & she should never think of him as anything more then a brother like her other 2 bros. A person can only have 1 mom & dad & she has hers me & dh & thats it nothing will ever change that. Powerful words from a psychologist I would have never thought it.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com