I am finding myself between a rock and a hard place again.
Did she ask you about being released to your address before she gave it to a counselor?
I think you need to talk with T
After thinking and thinking about this and before I read anybody's comments, I have decided to say no.
IF I'm remembering right, it was a pretty tense household when she was there before.
Colleen, I agree w/you & yuou need to say no. You took her in the last time & it didn't work out. She knows how T feels & she didn't have the courtesy of speaking w/him 1st. It sounds to me like all she is thinking about is herself. I know that sounds harsh but if you take her in it will destyroy the family you have now & that family has been w/you thru the yrs.
T has been beyond extradinary working, going to school trying to make a good life for himself. living w/you makes all that easier for him. If he moved & then couldn't pay all the bills & quit school you would feel awful, both of you worked hard to get him where he is. Dd on the other hand just doesn't care about what anyone else feels or thinks & she'll probably always be this way. How many chances can you give her? Most of all you know she won't stay so why disrupt everyone, make T move all for nothing & as you said you would have to move also. Everyone is happy there so don't rock the boat for someone who has shown she really can't be trusted or helped.
Don't mean to offend you, I'm sorry if I did. I just told my dh that if dd's biodad wants to come back there is no chance in hades that I'm going to allow him in my house. That performance he put on when we moved did it for me & Nik has been hurt terribly & he hasn't given her a thought. I think he's drinking again because he acted exactly like he did when he was drinking & he had that same angry look & anger about him. It scared Nik so much that she's terrified she'll be just like him to the point that she has said she wishes she was never born. We start counseling today.
So my point is we can only give them so many chances before it becomes self destroying to you, T, gf & most of all the baby. I gave R another chance & he blew it big time w/Nik at her expense after a yr. that had already torn her apart.
You have made the right decision & don't let anyone sway you differently.