Totally Off Subject

Avatar for mrose49
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Totally Off Subject
5
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 3:09pm

A while ago I posted that my sister has cancer and doesn't want anyone to know.

Avatar for coellis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 6:48pm

"At about that time, I simply stopped calling her.

 

Avatar for mrose49
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 7:36pm

Duh,

Avatar for squeakyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 7:42pm

My best addvice if to tell you the same thing I said to YDD about her sister. This is what I live with when it comes to my family too so here you go.

No matter how mad you areat the person do you think you can live with the choice you have made if this person were to die tomorrow. If so this is the decision to go with, if not then you have to do something different.

If there is anyway to make things different or better between you then you should make that call.If you are going to regret not making that call then you have to make that call. If there is nothing to be gained or you are going to be sucked into somethiing that is going to distroy or harm you or your well being then you don't make the call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 9:34pm

Martha, here's my 2 cents & we all know what a sucker I am when it comes to family. You said it would be unhealthy for you. If thats the case then you need to stay away. Like Squeaky said only you know what you can live with if she were to die tomorrow. You have worked long & hard to get where you are emotionally so do you really want to get into something that is going to suck you right back to where you were before? Who is around for you when everything goes to S&&&?

Like I said I'm usually the biggest sucker going when it comes to family but when my dh got sick & Nik & I were stuck here in this state I swore I would never live in again which I hate living in, I found one thing out. The one person I thought would never be there for me was & who I thought would be there for me waqsn't. This taught me to think of myself first & how things are going to affect me. If something is going to have a potential negative effect on me physically or mentally then I need to stay away from that situation. So if you think contacting your sister will hurt you in any way then you need to put yourself 1st. In other words be a little selfish & think of you. If she were to die tomorrow & you would feel guilty for the rest of your life for not contacting her then I guess you will have to contact her. She has been away from you & out of your life for alot longer then she was ever in it, she's a virtual stranger to you & the few times you had to be in her company wasn't a good experience.

Wait & speak w/your niece. Tell your neice you want some straight answers about your sisters prognosis. I think before you pick up the phone you need the truth to be told to you so if she lays a line of crap on you, you will be prepared. If she has chemo & radiation to go thru this buys you some time to think more clearly on it. For all you know when she was operated on they may have gotten it all & your driving yourself crazy for nothing.

Most importantly follow your gut, if your gut is saying this will be bad for you listen. Everytime I don't follow my gut I live to regret it. Good Luck & hugs.

If your not suppose to know you can't send a card. if you send a card & your neice will be in trouble for telling you then its not worth sending a card. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

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Avatar for mrose49
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 10:04pm

Dee,