Ex sister in law will not let me see my

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Ex sister in law will not let me see my
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 10:10am
Oh my gosh, my heart is breaking... My ex sister in law will not let me see my niece. She and my brother were married for a short period of time. Due to my brothers infidelity the marriage did not last long at all. My brother already has a son from another ex girlfriend, he is 6. My niece is 2 her name is Lauren. She lives about 1 1/2 hours away from me- so I don't see her as often as I would like. The last time was Easter. Since then I can not get her mother to call me back, or even take my phone calls. I don't know the situation with her and my brother, Im sure that he does not pay child support or give any other support for that matter. To be perfectly blunt, my brother, is a LOSER! I just want to see my niece... I would do anything to ensure that she would always be in my life. I don't know why I am punished for his mistakes. I am so upset over this, I don't know what to do. I have a 5 yr old daughter who asks weekly to see her cousin Lauren. She doesn't understand why Lauren has not come to see us. I don't know what to tell her. I just don't know- it is killing me to be in this situation. I love my niece and will never give up trying to see her. Although it is very dicouraging to keep leaving messages that never get returned.

I just tried to call again this morning- they live with Lauren's grandma and grandpa. Grandma answered the phone and said that Amy (Lauren's mother)was sleeping, I told her who it was and asked to have Amy call me and she hung up. She did not say bye, go to hell, or anything it felt like someone put a knife threw my heart. Please help me if anyone has any input I would be glad to hear it.

Thank you for letting me vent, Chasidy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 1:08pm
maybe try writing her a letter, just stating what you said, and that you seeing your neice has NOTHING to do with your brother, you just miss her. it might help the s-i-l to know that you are supportive towards HER, not towards your brother. also, try putting yourself in her shoes. i'm sure she is bitter and angry and hurt, and rightfully so. she may not know who is the enemy here, since it was your brother. anyways, my opinion, try writing a letter, and let her know that you are available to talk to her ANYTIME when she feels ready. if she doesnt respond, i would back off for awhile maybe sending a card to her and your neice together once in awhile. sad situation...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 6:30pm
I know what u r going through. I too have a loser for a brother(not that I don't love him) that has a daughter I never get to see. She is now 15 and lives about 6 hours from me. Her mom also wants nothing to do with our side of the family and keeps my neice away from us. That is until she wants something from us. I have has this child living with me two different times because she just couldn't cope and both times just when we were all settled she would change her mind. This tore my heart out. She moves all the time and always gets a new phone number so its very difficult to keep track of them. I really miss her. Its been two tears since I have seen or taled to her. My advice to u is do everthing u can to make this woman understand that no matter what you will always be there to support your neice and never get into the issues of her and your brother. Hope this helps or at the very least makes u fell better to know that u are not alone in this situation.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 10:00am
When two individual divorce it's hard enough to deal with them, it's even harder to deal with the ex IL's. You feel like they are siding with your ex and that you are the bad guy. Well I suggest that you write her a letter to this effect:

SIL (insert name): I am writing you regarding visitation with my niece (inert name here). DD (insert name) has been asking about seeing her cousin and I would like to see about the two of them spending time together. I know that things with my brother are probably not good and that due to problems between you two that you two needed the divorce, however I am not my brother and his issues are not mine. I would appreciate it if we could work something out so that the girls can still see each other. I don't want the problems between you and my borther to affect the girls relationship, it's not fair to them. I hope that we can work something out for the children's sake.

Sincerely. (Your name)

Just remind her that you are not siding with your brother and that their problems are not yours therefore for the sake of the kids you two need to work out something. She might say that you can see your niece during your brothers visitation time. If he's been given no time then there is something your parents can possibly do to get visitation with their grandchild and then you could work something out with them to see your niece. I'm not sure what went on between your ex SIL, but she's obviously very upset with your family as is her parents and that's why they are acting this way. Send a letter and remember not to point fingers.