Do any of you or your DH's have full custoday?
My FDH has full custody of his kids. If something were to happen to him, custody goes to mom.
But I think that this is the norm anyway. Legally, the other legal parent will get custody. How else can this be set up? Something like this happened. I saw the story on TV. Husband and wife separated, mom and child went across country to live with aunt for a couple of years. Mom dies. Child has been living with aunt for years, but dad gets custody. Aunt is fighting for it...but ultimately legal parents have the rights.
Actually this isn't the case anymore.
Having supervised visitation does not mean that one has lost parental rights, those are two separate things.
Right now we have full custody of SS.SD lives in CA with BM and comes to visit on holidays.
It used to be that we had full custody of both SS and SD, but things went downhill with SD and she went to live with BM.
As for what would happen? I'm assuming that if things went south either way the other parent would take full custody. We've already had a close call with BM wanting to commit suicide, so we're ready to take on both kids if necessary.
In our case, BM has visitation with her parents. She does not have custody, physical or legal. But she is still the legal parent, so she still has her parental rights. Unless she legally gives up parental rights, she is still the person to get the kids if something happens to your BF. Then others would have to build a case against her getting custody. In the story you mentioned...BD had NOTHING to do with kids for 10 years. Your BFs ex has supervised visits.
You are not married to your BF yet. So, you would probably not be in the running at this point. I really think custody should go to relatives if at all possible. Like Mom gets them first, should she be unable, grandparents are next, etc. I wouldn't be insulted if I wasn't considered in the first tier of choices. As long as I could have contact with them, I would be good.
But in my case, DF has 4 kids. I have no interest in being a single mom of 4 by choice. Now, if I was the only choice left, I wouldn't say no...but I wouldn't be running to the front of the line. I love them, but they aren't my kids.
"And then to add insult to injury, she said that her son had the money to put them through college."
I don't get this part. Who is this? BF's mom? Ex's mom?