Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 01-21-2014 - 10:06am

Are you wary of disciplining the stepkids when their dad isn't around?  If they are home, do you solely leave it up to them to handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: Cmmelissa
Sun, 01-26-2014 - 12:16am

Hi Melissa,

For me, I tried to discipline ss one day. He had been told not to leave his towels and bathing suit lying aroud out by the pool,after swimming. He left them out, the wind blew them into the pool,and they clogged the auto cleaner, which cost $250. to repair. A week later, he left his suit out overnight again, and yes, I walked out in the morning to see it was again blocking the auto cleaner, on the way to ruining it again. I had to go to work, he was asleep, so I said nothing. When I came home later that day,he was swimming, in a different suit. His other suit Still clogged up in the cleaner. He was 16, and knew it was there, just typical of him, arrogant and cared less. I was upset and yet kept my tone stern, and didnt raise my voice. I explained his Dad worked hard so we could Have a nice home and pool, and he needed to respect that. I asked him to get out of the pool, and he wasnt allowed to swim for 3 days.

The husband called me 20 minutes later (btw, ss showed no remorse, just cursed me under his breath), and I was upset and told my dh how things went. Wow, I was floored by his reaction..he was livid...with ME! Whaaat? He thought I was "harsh" to ss. I reiterated that I didnt raise my voice, and did my dh see I was teaching Respect? Apparently not.

When my dh came home, he took ss out to eat, and ignored me. I learned my lesson then and there, and stayed out of it all. Another 2 years of hell ensued,but none of it was my "fault". This is called "detaching",and it's the only thing that saved our marriage. I lost respect for him, though, and there went a lot of the "sweet adoration" from me, to him. Sad change,but not my fault.

So, if your dh can react better, I'd say to discipline the sks. It IS your home too, and by the time dad gets home, issues can lose their depth,and their dad might kind of minimize them, in order to "keep the peace" (which isnt fair to you). I'd have a discussion with him, face to face with no children around, and see what his expectations are, and if he backs you as parents, standing together. This is very important.

Communication is the key.




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2000
In reply to: Cmmelissa
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 7:41pm

Hey there, just recently stumbled upon this stepmom board - thanks for providing a forum for us to share!  Regarding your question, heck no I do not hesitate.  At our house, my stepson's father and I are equal in authority and he is accountable to the house rules, knowing that either or both of us will enforce them. And I discipline him, as well, for backtalking or being disrespectful to me each and every time regardless of whether my husband is there or not.  My husband and I totally agree on how discipline will be handled, so that is helpful!