First time alone with SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
First time alone with SS
18
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 8:49am
Ok so my DH and I have been married less than a year. Been together for over a year. He's going on a business trip to AL for the weekend at the end of the month. I've never actually been alone for a period of more than a few hours with my SS. I don't know if he fully trusts me or not yet so I don't know how this is going to work out. To add to the issue, he's got a tournament game that weekend as well, so I've got to finally put on the 'MOM' pants and get him to and from these games. I'm not really confident in being an alone parent but I'm hoping everything works out. Any tips on how to make this situation a little easier for both of us?
http://www.freewebs.com/shanesgirl7607//photos/Shane%20and%20Me/bubbles.jpg

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 9:43am

<<>>

Send SS to his mom's? I was never really willing to pitch hit for my DH WRT his kids, but then they had a mom living nearby. The skids would always go to their mom's when DH had to be away from home for more than 24 hrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 11:19am

This is how I would handle it.

Offer the weekend to mom. Visitation/custody is for dad, not for the household. If dad isn't there to accept visitation/custody then he needs to talk to mom about keeping the child for the weekend.

This has not happened to me. My FDH doesn't go away for work or anything...and any trips we take when kids aren't supposed to be there. But if it did, I wouldn't be surrogate mom. I'd make sure FDH offered the time back to mom.

Now...if mom refused the time...I'd have FDH check with a grandparent or something. I am not their parent and they know it. Then again I came into their life when they were older, so it is more difficult to be an authority...which is why I am not.

Jen


wedding planning
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 12:06pm

You didn't mention how old your stepson is....?
I guess I have a different opinion from the other posters. Since you are married the visitation does not need to go back to mom. She gets her time, dad gets his. I guess you need to decide if you are planning on acting like mom...are you going to take care of him, take him to appointments, go to school events etc. Or are you going to be hands off.
My fiance has primary custody and they see mom 2 days a week. When they are here, I am mom. I make dinner, make lunch, take them to school, pick them up, take them to lessons and doctors etc and I have only lived here 3 months. My fiance travels for work about 2 days a week. When I was only here a couple weeks he had to travel. We needed to decide if I was going to do it, or if we were going to pawn them off on mom and then set a bad precident that every time he travels she gets them. Thats not what we wanted so I bit the bullet and did it. Yes, I was a nervous wreck but tried to keep the schedule and routine as exact as I could. I made sure I knew what foods to eat for dinner, what to wear to school etc. We called dad a couple times and they actually survived just fine!
I think if it's just a couple days, you can handle it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 12:45pm

"We needed to decide if I was going to do it, or if we were going to pawn them off on mom and then set a bad precident that every time he travels she gets them."

I guess we can agree to disagree...I don't think it is a bad precedent. My fiance has full custody. HE has full custody, not me. If I wasn't in his life, if he was single and he had to go away, visitation would automatically go to mom. So, we would do the same even though I am around. Mom is a parent. Dad is a parent. Step mom is not a parent. May act like one, but push comes to shove, isn't one. If I divorced their dad, I would be out of their lives.

So, offering mom more time (which she probably would love) wouldn't be a bad precedent. Many custody arrangements actually say that is what should happen.

But, like I said, different strokes for different folks, I guess. I just totally disagree that it is lazy or bad to offer time to the kids' mom. I know who their mom is...and she would get more time with her kids if need be...not me.

Jen


wedding planning
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:23pm

I have no problem helping with my stepsons but would probably never do an overnight if their dad is out of town.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 11:30am

Well since you said this is the first time this is happening, you can clearly tell by the other responses that it's time to decide what exactly your role will be like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 6:35pm

As everyone else said, I'd offer it to mom.

 
britneywert
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2009
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 12:16am

>>As far as being alone with a kid? Piece of cake.  You're the grownup...how hard can it be? right?<<

LMAO

The duties of a Mommy are many; Driver, Personal Chef, Pack Mule, Boo-Boo-Kisser, Assistant, Nurse, Shoe-Finder... and my personal favorite, pillow :)


Mommy Pillow

The duties of a Mommy are many; Driver, Personal Chef, Pack Mule, Boo-Boo-Kisser, Assistant, Nurse, Shoe-Finder... and my personal favorite, pillow :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:14am

>>As far as being alone with a kid? Piece of cake. You're the grownup...how hard can it be? right?<<

LMAO>>>

Yeah, ditto-ing the laughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 9:22am

Ha!

Pages