I am a stepmom that wants to run...
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|Sat, 08-25-2012 - 12:02pm|
Hi, I saw this board and hope that someone here maybe another stepmom can help me.
I am a 43 year old stepmom of three boys. 16, 11, 9, all great kids. I have been in their life for five years now. I have four children of my own, all grown though, working or in college, youngest is going to be 20.
My problem is that when I met their father he was seperated from the two youngest boys mother, she had finished school and packed up and left them all. He I think more needed someone to help him, after a month of knowing him he invited me to his house and also meet his kids. I got here and couldn't believe what I saw, years of filth, piles of clothes in the living room at least 5 feet tall, no one could find a thing.... oh and it gets worse.
It took me almost 2 months of weekends to get the house clean, and eventually I never went home just so I could keep up. After a few months I gave up my house and moved in with him and the kids.
They did divorce and she gave up custody, they live with us full time. We buy everything pay for everything (which is fine) but all new clothes, socks, underwear etc. ends up at her house and we never see them again ever...have to go buy more just to keep them in clothes. Gets very expensive. They do go to her house but not on a schedule of visits, it's when she wants them. Which right now is about 2 or 3 nights a week, she picks them up after dinner about 7:30 and keeps them over night and sends them to school, then I have them. I wanted some time in the summer to myself and we asked her to take them 2 days a week so that I could go do something not kid related, she told us to put them in daycare if we had a problem. Her grand comment is "she knew you had kids"
She is now crying to him that she loves him etc etc.
There is a TON more that I'm not including in this first post..... but really want to run, I love my husband so much! That is the reason I am still here, I love the kids too and really try hard, but I sit and cry and convince myself that tomorrow is a new day and things will be different.
I think the boys mom tries, I just don't know what to do. Nothing I say has any bearing on decisions made, like schedules for when I don't have them etc. I can't work, I can't go out with friends, I have to be home all the time for them especially in the summer.
Sounds like I'm complaining a whole lot. But..... they also have a mother. I have to have some kind of life outside this house or I will go nuts.
Any advice is appreciated, thanks