New to the board, and needing advice and to vent.
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|Mon, 07-30-2012 - 11:21am|
Hi all! I am glad I found this board. I will try to keep this from being too long!
My BF and I have been together for almost five years. I have a son, 18, daughter, 14, and daughter, 8. He has a daughter, 14, and a son, 16. He has full custody of his kids, and I of mine. His son has Bi-Polar disorder, depression, and ADHD. Great kid, excels in school and sports, no major problems with him. His daughter seems to suffer from PTSD and shows signs of Bi-polar disorder or a mood disorder, but has not been diagnosed. Their mother has Bi-Polar and another mental illness, not sure what. When they were young, they didn't get any mothering, care, and love from her. The son would threaten to harm or kill his sister, this is when his mental state was unstable. The daughter has never gotten help with dealing with issues from her childhood.
For the most part things have gone well with our blended family. Everyone gets along. This past April his daughter lost it. She blew up at me and basically had a nervous breakdown. It was all aimed toward me because I am not her parent, so I was the 'safe' person to lash out at. When this breakdown occurred, it broke up our family for about a month. Her father brought her to stay with his parents, (about an hour away from where we live), and he stayed there with her so he could bring her to school on his way to work, and then back again in the evenings. It was a horrible time, but we worked it out. She didn't want to come home, but did it basically to please her dad. She told the family therapist that she had conditions to come home. They were mostly unrealistic. Like one was that her and I not talk to each other, another was that she didn't want to use anything that I purchased, like food, shampoo, etc. (I do the grocery shopping). So basically she didn't want anything to do with me. She came home with her dad and she was all happy and cheerful and talking to me like nothing ever happened. Since then things have been pretty good. Her and I have got along just fine.
For the past two months, she has been, 'witchy' acting to everyone. If she has to be home at a certain time but is late and gets reprimanded for it, there is hell to pay. She will cry, go to her room and slam the door, and not talk to anyone. If she doesn't get what she wants, (which she almost always does!), she does the same thing. For example, last night her dad told her to be home by 9pm. She was late, he said something to her about it, and she went to her room, shut the door and didn't talk to us the rest of the night. She didn't even get in trouble! No punishment, so why so pissy?! I am so tired of seeing her walk all over her father. She treats him like crap, but he gives her everything she wants. She is a spoiled brat. I continue to be nice to her of course, and do things for her. But I think that's going to stop after last night.
BF and I have been talking about marriage. We are going to Disney World in December, my dad's gift to us, he's taking all seven of us, all expenses paid, (my dad is great!). SS and I were talking about the trip. I said, "that would be neat if your dad proposed to me there!". He said, "SD would kill dad if he did that". I asked why he says that. He said, "because she doesn't like you still". This isn't the first time I've heard this. My daughter has told me several times that SD has said this. So needless to say, I SO don't want her to go with us. I hate for MY father to pay for her to go. Why would I want my father to do that for someone that doesn't like me? Also she has a going away party coming up because she is going away to school this fall. I was helping her plan it, and reserving the space at a State Park where she wants to have the party. I don't want any part of helping her with this now. I suggested the gift we got her, and took care of that too. Now I regret it.
Part of me thinks I should just continue to help her, only if she asks, not go out of my way to do anything, and just go on like nothing is wrong because after all she will be leaving in two weeks for school and won't be around anymore. The other part of me wants to avoid her at all costs lol. I'm really hurt that I've been doing all these nice things for her just to hear she's talking smack about me.
I plan to discuss this with BF when we see our family therapist this week, but I'm curious to hear what you all think and what you would do.
Sorry for such a long read! If you made it to the end, thanks!