New here.. Desperately need HELP!!!!!

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
New here.. Desperately need HELP!!!!!
9
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 3:20pm

I have a 3-year-old SS. I've seen neither his mom, nor my husband punish him. He's allowed to bite, kick, pinch, slap, head butt, cuss, climb up stuff, jump out of high places. He's not made to sleep in his own bed, I am made to give up my bed for him to sleep with his father at night. Which puts me sleeping on the couch or in a toddler bed. He chokes our cat. Tells me that he hates me and wants to "squish you in the garbage truck and make you dead". That is a direct quote from the monster!! I try my best to be there to punish him.. Where I am trying to compensate for 2 parents that don't punish him and just let him run wild, his dad says I am being mean to him because I pick and pick at everything to try to catch him up to speed on right and wrong. I don't spank him, because both parents have asked me not to, I am only allowed to give him a time out.. But as soon as I turn my back, he jumps up and runs off. His dad lets him do it, and his mom does as well. It's gotten to the point that if either parent asks me to watch him while they have stuff to do, I tell them no. To find someone else. He's the topic of mine and hubby's arguments 90% of the time, and I feel like the child is putting a wedge in our marriage. He's slowly driving me nuts. I want to run off sometimes and just be by myself. I'm in counselling and was put on medication for depression because this kid is just that bad off. WHAT DO I DO????????????????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 11:50pm

Please do not let him near your cat!  Keep your cat in a locked room away from the young terror when he is visiting.  How often does the young man visit? He is certainly old enough to be told not to  bite, kick, pinch, etc.  Can you and your husband  attend some counseling sessions together to discuss this?  He is not doing the child any favors by letting him behave like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 1:17pm

Ugh..what is with parents who don't discipline their children!  Do they not realize that the time to discpline him is now and not after he hurts another child badly or gets too big for them to spank?  For the time outs to actually work, than they need to make him sit there and get additional time if he gets up out of time-out.  Both parents need some serious counseling and parenting lessons.  Some of his behavior is normal boys stuff, such as climbing, but to be aggressive and violent towards others, that 's not good at all.    Since you are the only one actually parenting him, you should stick to the time outs.  If he gets up, put him back in time out and add time onto the punishment.  I think they say you do a minute a year, so he should sit there for 3 minutes and I would add time and start over if gets out.  It's also not acceptable to me that your husband isn't willing to back you up with teaching him appropriate behavior.  Good for you for standing your ground and not watching him when they can't.  It's not the child putting the wedge in your marriage, it's your husband for not putting on his big boy pants and parenting his son!!  You need to make him understand that, and might not be a good idea to get marriage counseling so he can see that.  He's going to have some real problems on his hands if they don't nip this behavior in the bud soon. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 8:58am

IMO this child needs some guidance, from his biological parents, not you.  Though you are his step-mom and while he is in your home you have every right to disipline within acceptable limits, it can often be a harder road to take (at first) for you to attempt to guide this child - especially when his own parents do not.

Have you asked your DH to go with you to a counsilling session and talk to someone about each of your roles and how you can help your SS transition into a big kid?

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Fri, 08-31-2012 - 11:42am
The bed thing can take some time to work, but you just need to stick to your guns. You have a rule that he's not allowed to sleep in your bed, and you stick to it. You make him fall asleep in his own bed, and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, you put him back in his bed. You might have a few sleepless nights, but after a few days he will adjust. His daddy needs to start being the disciplinarian.