Is this normal? or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Is this normal? or not?
16
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:16pm

I have a very rare situation, which I wont go into (too long) but DH has a 14yo son who he has paid CS and had EOW visitation for SS's entire life (never married to BM).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:34pm

In the spirit of honesty...


There is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:38pm

That's true...I wasnt really meaning to compare the two, just that I can admit that various things about being around my kids can be annoying or a hassle, and not be riddled with guilt over it.


I dont know that

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:32pm

That's true...I wasnt really meaning to compare the two, just that I can admit that various things about being around my kids can be annoying or a hassle, and not be riddled with guilt over it.


Right, but my point is that the reason you're not riddled with guilt is because you have them always.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 5:08pm

I totally agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 5:35pm

Heck no there's nothing wrong with feeling like it's a hassle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 10:07pm

One thing you (and DH especially) need to remember is this young man is 14...that's a hard age for anyone...especially for children from broken families...he probably doesn't know what to think about anything, much less his visitation time, and is treating it as "I'm out from under Mom's rules" time...

I think you might want to encourage your DH to talk to GM about helping him provide "together" type activities during his visitation weekends. Activities like helping out around GM's house by doing (IMHO boring)yard work or re-painting trim or siding, or even (finances providing) going to the movies or renting a game they can play together.*

*I don't post here often as I'm "not a SM" so don't take my advice as the best...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 3:13pm

"but doesnt quality outweigh quantity?"
Not if the quantity is already so small that one is starving to death.

I think it's very sad that your husband doesn't move to where his son lives. The boy is in serious danger and needs a good man in his life on a super-frequent basis. Usually we wish that good man could be the Dad. Sometimes it isn't, not everyone is cut out to fit that role.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 4:48pm

DH should move to where his son lives? did you read the part about how he is not a parent to his son? only has court ordered VISITATION and actually lives in a FAMILY with me and our DD's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 9:13pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 10:21pm

You know? Someone was offering you help. And you stepped all over her. Just because you don't like what she said doesn't mean you need to insult her and call her mindless. That is rude and completely uncalled for. We can tell you are upset, but no need to take it out on someone offering honest advice.

And just because your DH has visitation doesn't mean he isn't a parent or can't parent. My dad had EOW visitation and he parented us! His rules were his rules. He was a parent!! If your DH CHOOSES not to parent his DS on his EOW, then that is his choice he made.

No one is "not caring about your kids & can kiss your..." If my FDH's ex moved away and my FDH wanted to move closer...and we could financially do it...I would. His kids are HIS family too. Your kids aren't the only ones DH should have as a priority. And you have to admit, it would be easier to be a daily influence if he lived closer...but sometimes that isn't possible for one reason or another. Maybe BM moved 2 hours away, maybe DH did...we don't know. And it doesn't matter at this point.

Anyway, people can post what they want to on here. If you don't like the advice, don't respond to that person... please don't be snarky and insult someone for giving you their opinion. Just ignore the advice you don't like and move on to the next post...


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