One Stepmom's Point of View
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|Mon, 10-28-2013 - 4:43pm|
I thought this was an interesting perspective from an older stepmother who had no children of her own, and married a man with teenage daughters. She talks about how sometimes she feels like the outsider, and it hits home what she missed out on by not having children of her own. She realizes that at this stage in their lives they really don't need her, but she's not resentful of that:
Being a good stepparent is about the future. It's like a bank account where a lifetime of little deposits may one day return as a great gift of appreciation. At least that is what I am banking on. My hope is that one day, after years of my consistent generosity, they will love me. And this love will be different than the love they feel for their teachers or their aunts because I will see them through all that is yet to come.
When they graduate, I will be there. When they fail, I will be there. If they marry, if they are heartbroken, if they have children, when they get promoted or fired, I will be there. And even if they are never able to meet my expectations, I know that love endures and is well worth all the tiny griefs along the way.
Loving someone with no promise of any return is a sacred kind of love. Because of its unconditional nature, a true stepmother who loves mightily from the background is maybe one of the truest forms of parenting. While I am not a birth mother, I now know that I am a universal mother. For me, that is more than enough.
What did you think about her opinion that you have to look to the future and hope that one day they'll learn to appreciate you?