Please tell me I'm not alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Please tell me I'm not alone
5
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 3:51pm

I'm sending this message out into the abyss of the internet out of sheer frustration and no one to talk to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 9:43am
I can only say that it took a counselor to look my husband in the face and tell him he was super wrong to expect what he expected and to believe his children could do no wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 11:03pm

Unfortunately I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 5:06pm

You are so not alone. I feel your pain because it is the way I feel very often as well. In fact I've been feeling that way all day.

We have five kids between us. Three his and two mine. My children are supposed to follow the rules. He is allowed to discipline (within reason) and correct mine and when he criticizes something my bio kids do I take it and mull it over and often times he has a valid point that I hadn't considered so I don't get mad or anything.

Now when his youngest (7 yrs old) comes to stay with us (the older are teens and don't visit often they are with their bio mom) his kid doesn't have to follow the rules, be respectful, help out nada. He TELLS me I am allowed to discipline and correct his son but when I do he gets all bent out of shape and weird with me. So I'm at the point of giving up.

I feel its hypocritical that he can expect certain things of my kids but his can do whatever they dang well want to and that's ok. Apparently his have the "Divorced Dad" guilt set of rules which means junior can do whatever he wants to.

We had such a huge fight last night over this that I basically told him he's free to move out. Its my house we are living in so he has to go. I'm just sick and tired of having to spend 50% of my time walking on eggshells in my own home. AND as you say your bio kids question why they have to follow the rules and not their step sibling....I'm just tired of dealing with it. I love him dearly but sometimes it almost seems it would be easier to be on my own with my kids and not have to deal with the drama.

Hope things are improving for you. Keep us updated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 2:11pm
You are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:29pm

I'm not a good person to really answer on this one, since my sitch is so different and my experience is so different (I believe this matters on how we form our opinions) but just on relationships in general...I find that A) men are not good at validating, regardless of whether you do it for them, and B) men are not capable of understanding the fundamental difference between the role of mother and father.


A man can "feel