SD - 13, Need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
SD - 13, Need help!
3
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 10:48pm

Fair warning, this may be long.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 4:45pm
I'm sure it's hard for all of you, I hope that you can find some solutions. It's got to be a struggle for her, not only does she have a relationship with her mother, she also has the former girlfriend who was like a stepmother to her for as long as she can remember. I'm sure she has loyalties to them both, and being in her teen years doesn't help matters. You'll just have to continue to work on a relationship with her, just give it time.

As far as for her behavior when she's at your house, I would make sure that her dad is on the same page as you and does the disciplining. He needs to make her understand the rules of the house, and that she follows through with them. How does he do with that? Although it's fine for them to do special things together, I totally understand that you need to be fair to the other kids. I'm sure they can find activities to do together that don't cost money, she's old enough to understand that it's not in your budget. I would just be matter-of-fact about that, and stick to your guns.

Good luck, keep us posted on how you are doing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 11:15pm

SO is on the same page with the rules of the house.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 2:19pm
That's good that you are on the same page when it comes to house rules. I cannot believe that said that to you!!!! I commend you for keeping your cool, that would've been so hard to not snap.

Since she's not willing to connect with you, I would just be firm, but fair. Make her follow the rules of the house, don't give her any slack and just give it some time. Hopefully, as she matures she'll be more open to having a relationship with you.

It's hard to love a kid in these types of circumstances. I think it's more important that you show them fairness and respect, love takes time.