Son hates new boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2013
Son hates new boyfriend
3
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 5:07pm

Hello,

I'm a single mom, my 9 y-o son met my new boyfriend recently. He liked him a lot and they got along well until my son saw us kissing. Now my son hates him, won't look at him or greet him let alone talk to him, and says he feels like throwing up every time he sees him. I've tried to tell my son all the rational things to try to get him to be happy with me but he instead he sabotages every visit by crying alone in his room, insisting that my boyfriend leave, trying to force himself to vomit, generally acting very immature. In spite of this I believe the relationship with my boyfriend is going to last so we all have to deal with it. What is your advice? Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 1:48pm

I understand that he's having a hard time with these changes in your life, but at some point you can't let the child dictate what you do. You need to reassure your son that you will always love him, that your relationship with this other man won't change that. If he throws up, than he needs to clean up after himself. Don't let his tantrums ruin it for you, his behavior is just very childish. You might want to consider having him talk to a professional if he can't explain to you why he is so upset at this. Is he worried about losing you? What is his relationship like with his father?  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 3:21pm

I agree that you should get some professional help on this because this seems like kind of extreme behavior for a 9 yr old.  I could see not being happy but crying and trying to vomit is really not normal.  Until then I'd suggest seeing your BF out of the house.  It doesn't seem that it's anything particular involving this particular guy but something in general about wanting you all to himself or being afraid of sharing you or something like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2013
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 9:13pm

Thank you both. My son's relationship with his father is thin. We are divorced and he doesn't see his dad much.  :( No easy way around this one I guess.