SS is driving me nuts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
SS is driving me nuts!
4
Sat, 03-24-2012 - 6:30pm

So I was the main "mother" figure for SS for three years. His mother came back into the picture. Things were rocky, including court dates and constant fighting (not in front of him) between DH, BM and me. So I stepped back. Now for the last year or so things have been going pretty smoothly. Of course BM is doing things that I don't agree with and still doesn't seem to put SS as a priority in her life, but I don't say anything about it.

Over the last 1 1/2 years, SS has been acting out. He constantly praises his mom and puts her on a pedestal. If she messes up and I ask him genuinely about it he makes up excuses. Okay, I can deal with that, he's protective. But now, he has been treating me like garbage.

I can't take it. He just challenges me ALL THE TIME! I can't do anything without him acting like a butt about it. If it's not what I cook, it's that he's entitled to this and that. He is just plain mean. He makes excuses for himself and his grades all the time. He is manipulative and I honestly don't want him around.

If I weren't worried about paying stupid child support, I'd want him gone. He acts as if it's so bad here and that he'd have a better life with his mother... So why not? But if he did move we'd be paying over $300 a month, which isn't in our budget at all. And I don't want to act as if DH or I have given up on him, but then again maybe it would teach him a lesson that the grass isn't greener.

Even his grandma (DH's mom) has said he's mean. Now he's 11 years old, so I know part of it could be hormones, but not all of it. My mom told me she thinks that he's resentful of DH and I and probably feels that we have kept him away from his mom. We have never told him to hate her, not want her, or not given him to her when it's time. I honestly think she's brainwashed him and uses the "poor me" on him. For example, she's not supposed to call pass 7pm. She calls usually around 650 or so. So one day she called at 655pm and talked with him. DH was at school, so when 7pm hit, she said "well I don't want your dad to get mad at me, so I'll get off the phone now"... Really? You don't say things like that. And most likely DH wouldn't have gotten mad at her... He would've let them finish their conversation. And I don't want to step on anyone's toes, so I didn't say anything.

What should I do? I really can't even stand the fact that I have bent over backwards for this kid, given him everything he wanted and needed and he treats me so badly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 10:19am

Hi LMBG,

Pepperjack7

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 2:54pm
I totally agree with the advice Pepper gave you. If he's this bad now, it's only going to get worse as he gets older. It's going to be a lot harder to discipline a 16 yo that is your size versus dealing with his behaviors now. Kids this age can be little snots, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. You need to demand respect from him, put rules into place and make sure he follows them. Don't allow him to make excuses for his grades, are you doing anything to keep an eye on his daily work? Our school district has an online gradebook so we can check our middle schoolers grades whenever we need to (which is several times a week).

How does his dad feel about his behavior? I hope he's not making excuses for it as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:52pm

Pepper-

We have done this (not as exact but you get the jist). And when we take away TV or the playstation, he acts good. So after the weekend or the week or what have you of having privilges taken away, we give it back because he is behaving.... then he's at it again. It's like a never-ending cycle!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 8:53am

Hi,

Pepperjack7