SS set up BM vs SM....
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|Mon, 11-26-2012 - 7:49am|
I really thought we were done with this...
SS figured out a while back that he could whine and complain to his mother about how things are when he's with DP and myself, and that she's get all sympathetic to him, lay into us, and basically give him anything he wants.
This has led to some escalating lies, including to a child psychologist that his mother insisted that he go to (She decided that he must have ADHD because he's a bully, he beats up kids at school and likes to hurt animals. Psychologist has ruled out ADHD and autism spectrum. I say its because he has a bad upbringing with no rules, no consequences and getting his own way constantly =.=)
My man works early morning shifts, 4am to 2pm. I go to school and study the language here to better my job prospects. This means that we both want to sleep to a reasonable time on weekend mornings.
When we have SS over, he thinks that it is too boring and not fun (his words) to be reasonably quiet on a morning. No matter what time he goes to be, he is always up at 7am. Sometimes earlier.
I feel that at nine years old, he is plenty old enough to entertain himself with quiet reading, drawing or playing quietly with toys in his room until around 9am.
I ran my method past DP who agreed with me (after over a year of doing nothing but asking SS to be quiet in the morning when he was put to bed on a night) so I put in place a system.
Wakes us first time he gets a warning of the consequences that will happen if it happens again.
Wakes us second time, he loses his hour of tv time.
Wakes us third time, he is told that he'll be sent outside to play at 9am.
Wakes us for a fourth time, he gets sent outside to play directly.
This all seems perfectly reasonable to us. I was moving and playing silently on a morning in my parents home from the age of 5.
But without fail, every single morning, we get to four warnings, and of course, he got sent outside. We had two mornings in over a year, where he got his tv time. He understands what happens and why, so its his own chosing, and he never complained to me or DP about it. Just got dressed and went out to play with a friend or in the sandbox outside the apartment.
Turns out he's been talking about it to BM and now its blown up into a massive SM is mistreating him thing... how the heck is holding to consequences mistreating him?
This is a boy who hasn't had a haircut in a year because he doesn't want it. He looks like a tramp, he won't shower properly, doesn't brush his hair, he still pees himself becuase he can't be bothered to go to the bathroom, and nobody says anything to him about it... They just let him get along with it because he wants it...
He told the psychologist that he has to be outside by 9am because I can't sleep with him in the apartment... He knows he gets sent out on his 3rd/4th warning because he refuses to be quiet... how is throwing bits of a wooden train set across the room at the wall being quiet?
I had to last minute babysit, cancelling a trip into the city that I'd been planning for weeks, because she wanted to get laid with her new Boyfriend and changed the weekend arrangement last minute, literally with a sms that said "You're keeping him tonight, got a problem with it, talk to your mother"
I was told that she'd be picking him up at 9am the day after she was supposed to get him, and since the last time we met, we had a very large argument (she barged into the apartment uninvited and I got seriously angry at her for it) I decided that since it was just me looking after the boy without DP around to make sure that she didn't do anything stupid, I didn't want to see her. So at 9am, I asked SS if he'd like to go wait for her outside in the play area. He said yes. I asked if he wanted to take his bag with him or come back up for it when she arrived, he said he'd take it with him.
So off he went. Half an hour later he was still there...
She turned up and picked him up a little after half past. But not before she'd sent a message to my DP that SS had messaged her that I'd thrown him out. That I knew that she wasn't coming to get him until 10am... and that he never gets to stay inside past 9am... That I was mistreating him and that she'd quote "Never ask him to go there again"
DP wasn't fussed. I, quite frankly, was happy to get him out of my hair. He's been nothing but a whining, complaining, rude, disrespectful and lazy boy with us.
We've been better this last month or two than we have in a long time. We're both acceptably rested, we don't argue about anything, we're happy. Really really happy...
But today, we get a letter in the mail from BM... that is calling "everyone with anything to do with SS" to a meeting with a child psychologist next month....
I thought we were all done with this, she's got full custody of him. We're happy with that. And I know, because everyone here thinks that I'm an evil witch for insisting that we have rules and stick to consequences in our home... this is just going to turn into a "ITS SM'S FAULT" ranting session, where I can't even defend myself properly because I don't yet have a full grasp on the language. I'll be able to understand pretty much everything, but I won't be able to justify or defend myself... and this'll make me sick again. All this mess with SS sets my bloodpressure to very unsafe levels...
I just really don't get this.
I'm evil for doing something that his parents should have done a long time ago.
I'm evil for teaching him something that he needs to get by in life.
I taught this boy to read, something that his parents should have started on, but neither could be bothered. But that makes me evil too, because I stick my nose where its not wanted...
I tried to get along with this boy, I really did. I tried and tried, gave nothing but love and structure, and was kicked in the face every single time. And I'm evil because I refuse to do it any longer.
I am done with him. I want nothing more to do with him. I'd pretty much disengaged... and now all this is starting up again... I'm just so confused and unhappy...